10 Things To Think About As You Graduate...

Hello graduates!  Pomp and circumstance abound on my Facebook newsfeed...graduation time is here!   Middle school, high school, college...besides the caps and gowns, what you all share is the notion that you have "finished" something and are ready for "what's next".  I am so sorry to be the one to tell you that you could not be more wrong. Oh, you've done your reading, writing and arithmetic...but you will never be ready for what's next.  Life is funny that way...

I thought I was prepared for each of those transitions - and I was doing okay there for a while...good student, many friends, love of a great guy, career advancements, babies...and then WHAM.  Autism came into our lives.  Everything changed.  I could write (and have written) several blogs about that, but that's not what this one is about. Below is a list.  I won't call it a list of "rules."  Who am I to tell you what to do?  I WILL tell you that it is full of stuff that I know now that I wish I knew then.  Even though we all know that I would not have listened. There are things in life that can only be learned through personal experience.  I don't expect you to look at this list and get it.  Let's consider it a planting of seeds...food for "future" thought?  If it makes you think, I will consider it a victory...

1. NEVER STOP LEARNING.
Your time in the classroom may be coming to an end, but your education should not be.  The "real world" is the most important classroom you will ever enter.  Your degree may look impressive on the wall, but it doesn't mean what you think it does outside of the academic environment.  Keep an open mind.  Be open to new ideas and opinions.  Know that you do not know it all.  No one does.

2. USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO BE SOCIAL.
Don't use it to be anti-social.  Don't write vague and mysterious posts, silently begging people to ask "WHAT'S WRONG?" No one likes a drama queen. Don't use it as an online battlefield.  Don't post inappropriate photos of yourself in dramatic situations.  Don't use it to mock others.  Be aware of the power that your opinion wields and use it wisely and responsibly.  Use social media as the communication tool it was meant to be.  It should not replace human interaction and conversation.  These things are irreplaceable.

3. SPEND LESS MONEY THAN YOU MAKE.
Sounds simple enough.  But it's easier said than done.  If I had listened to my father and saved just a TINY BIT of the money I made in my 20s, my entire life would be different right now.  I made more money at 27 years old than I do now at 43.  A LOT more.  And I spent it all.  And I regret it tremendously.  I have many regrets, but that is the biggest one.  Understand what it really means to be financially responsible.  If you make a little money, save what you can.  If you make a lot of money, hire someone to help you be smart about it.  Money may not buy happiness, but it can offer freedom and choices that you don't even know you will need in your life.  I learned that the hard way.

4. LEARN TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON.
I am a very opinionated person.  Always have been.  I used to waste a lot of time arguing over ridiculous things.  Just because I had to be right.  I would handle calls from difficult clients at work with stubborn pride and self-righteousness.  I would handle disagreements with others with anger and sarcasm.  My late grandmother used to call these conversations "healthy debates"...but guess what? None of it was worth it.  If I "won" it was a hollow victory at best.  The level of aggravation that I was living with as "that girl" was not only unhealthy, but also unproductive.  I realized several things - 1) it is a waste of time and energy to argue with a stupid person; 2) being RIGHT was not the most important thing in the world; and 3) people are usually willing to compromise and meet you in the middle.  

5. KNOW THAT THERE'S ALWAYS MORE TO THE STORY.
You've probably heard the saying "There are three sides to every story - one side, the other side and the truth." This doesn't mean that either side is lying - it just means that their perception of what went down is different from the other person's.  (Or they are lying. If they are, stay away from them.  Do I really need to tell you that?)  On a larger scale, know that what goes on in this world, whether it be a disagreement between friends or two sides of a global skirmish is rarely black and white.  Grey is a HUGE part of the picture. You may find that you agree or disagree with pieces of both sides.  You may come up with your own independent opinion.  THAT'S OK. Independent thought is such an important and underused trait in the world today. Don't be a sheep.

6. ADMIT - AND OWN - YOUR MISTAKES.
If you screw up, own it.  Don't apologize and then "explain away" the apology.  This is the same as not apologizing at all.  People make mistakes all the time - it's what they do after the mistake that defines their true character.  If you screw something up on the job, take the appropriate steps to correct the wrong and change the way you do things to avoid it happening again.  If you hurt someone you care about, apologize with sincerity.  They will know if you are faking it.

7. BE A COURTEOUS DRIVER.
Don't laugh at this one.  Depending on your chosen career path, there is a good chance that driving to, from and maybe even during work will be a part of your daily routine.  Add to that the driving done outside of work, and realize that a good part of your life is spent behind the wheel of a car.  You will know all too soon that the road is full of assholes.  Don't be one.  They don't need any more members on their team.

8. TAKE A STAND.
Get to know yourself.  That sounds crazy, but most people use others' perceptions and opinions to define themselves and what they stand for. Don't do that!  Figure out who you are, what you stand for, learn all that you can about whatever it is...and then be confident about it.  You get to decide what you believe.  Your opinion matters. Just make sure that you are backing up your convictions with facts.    

9. SCRATCH THE SURFACE.
I wrote about this topic in depth in a previous blog.  In a world of sound bytes, 144-character opinions and hashtag-speak...learn to dig deeper.  Don't take things at face value.  Don't believe everything you read on the internet.  Let me repeat that one - DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET.  The internet is an amazing tool, but it is also a place of innuendo, half-truths and opinion-disguised-as-fact.  Always be aware of what you are reading and where it came from.  It's all part of the process (see #1).

10. GET OVER YOURSELF.
It's not always about you.  It's not always about what you think, feel or want.  While it is important to make yourself a priority (this will mean more if and when you become a parent someday), it is also important to learn how to be there for others - friends, family, co-workers.  If someone in your life is acting out of the ordinary - do you wonder if you did something?  Go over past conversations in your memory? Scan through old texts? Next time, consider the fact that they may just be having a bad day and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AT ALL. Figure out quickly that the world does not revolve around you.  Truly understanding this will help you in all aspects of life.

Well, that's it.  We are done here.  Off you go into that great big world...

Oscars 2014...Alright, Alright, Alright!

CANDI'S OSCARS 2014 RECAP...

Welcome to the 7th Annual Oscars Fashion Recap...we have taken this puppy from email to Facebook to Blogger, Twitter and beyond...thanks for stopping by!

What can I say?  I've seen better, I've seen worse - that goes for the show itself as well as the fashions.  It continues to be a trying time in fashion over there in Hollywood.  There is no discernible style that I can see. In a word, I would have to say SAFE is the best way to describe the current trend.  Not many risk-takers, and the ones that do often get rapped across the knuckles for stepping out of the box!  But as always, the night had its moments...so let's get to it!

The ABC Red Carpet Special - Robin Roberts is always a class act...BUT how do you NOT have style guru Clinton Kelly from The Chew doing fashion commentary over that himbo Tyson Beckford? The man called Julia Roberts JESSICA. Nuff said.  You are not invited back. Leave the microphone at the door on your way out please. Buh-bye.

The E! Red Carpet Special - Broken record here - I'll use one of Kelly's favorite words - "This group is completely and utterly boring."  Kelly, Ross and Giuliana - all morons who bring nothing to the table other than vapid useless gushing. Still in need of a thesaurus.  And the "special" guests are a joke.  The only special guest this group needs is Joan Rivers - know why? Because this gang is like Randy Jackson mixed with Paula Abdul and sprinkled with happy fairy dust. THEY LOVE EVERYONE.  EVERYONE LOOKS INCREDIBLE.  I can't.  And note to E! - if you are going to have Ryan Seacrest in the money spot, get that boy a platform or something - he just looks positively miniscule interviewing all of these strapping actors and amazon actresses that dwarf him.  No bueno.

RED CARPET SPOTLIGHT:

Click here to view the now Annual "Jennifer Lawrence Falling At The Oscars"

ON WITH THE SHOW...

Aaaaahhhh Ellen - always a fun time - and she didn't disappoint - love her out and about in the audience throwing them all off guard...she really has the perfect shtick for the Oscars - funny, but not condescending...she is safe...just as a host should be...the Awards and the nominees (well, the dresses too) should be the STARS of the show. The pizza bit was genius.  And mad props to the stars that actually ATE pizza while in their Oscar finest.


My Personal Highlight - On a night packed with amazing musical
performances (Pharrell, Idina, Bette, U2 - all amazing), my standout moment was PINK singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow during The Wizard of Oz tribute.
A Side Note About Me:  Only a few know this about me (my sister is giggling right now), but I am PETRIFIED of The Wizard of Oz.   I have not watched it since I was a child due to chronic nightmares (those frigging monkeys).  After seeing Wicked on Broadway this year and now this, maybe I can attempt to tackle my Oz-o-phobia (well, probably not).

Matthew McConaughey & The Cat Lady...Oh no.  What a shame.  One can only hope that they dragged Kim Novak out to serve as a cautionary tale to all of the younger actresses in the audience not to take botox and plastic surgery too far...YIKES.  I know she is 81 years old, but really.  Can we all just agree that the Academy is not doing any justice to these "legends" (I am speaking about you too Mr. Poitier) by sending them out on stage and giving them the Dick Clark treatment?  They can barely see the damn TelePrompter!  You want to honor them?  Show some FABULOUS clips of them on film in their heyday and then shine a light on them standing to wave as they receive the appropriate standing ovation.  OK - stepping down from soapbox now.

And then THIS happened.

Ex-squeeze me? Baking Powder?  (YES! Wayne's World reference opportunity!)
Ummmmm...really John?  REALLY?  ADELE DAZEEM? Who in God's name is that? Did you even READ the script?  Have you heard of the woman Mr. Musical-lover? Did you skip rehearsals? You don't get a pass on this.  On a night when presenters strung together multiple ethnically-tinged monikers, you blow one name? You sir, just like Mr. Beckford, are banned.  Leave the stage, and do not return unless it is to dance.  No talking.

The Superstar Selfie That Broke Twitter  #genius

AND THE WINNERS WERE...

This was a night the oddsmakers dream of...all four acting awards seemed to be pre-determined...but the surprising part was that THREE of these winners made AMAZING and HEARTFELT speeches that will be remembered for years to come...the "newbie" joy of Lupita as she recognized that her happiness was inevitably tied to the miseries suffered by her ancestors, Jared showing maturity in honoring his brave single mom, Matthew the family man getting philosophical in a good way...I cried three times.  Who left me dry? Cate Blanchett - methinks she is a little condescending - I believe that #suckitjulia was supposed to be an inside joke between them - but it's not usually a good call to bust out inside jokes in front of a billion people.  She forgot to mention DAME Judi Dench in her "mentioning the other nominees so I look appreciative" paragraph and I am pretty sure that she bashed the length of Gravity (and indirectly the film itself) while "appreciating" Sandra Bullock. Kind of ironic that Cate was the one of the four to NOT display class, humility and pure joy.  Hmmmmm...

And I don't really understand the new trend in "splitting" the Best Director and Best Picture Awards.  Seems to be that you can't really have one without the other...two amazing movies...I guess it's just a "share the wealth" thing.  Still strange.

OK - enough about the stupid awards...let's talk fashion!

Kerry Washington - Jason Wu
Grecian Grey Perfection! Way to embrace the BUMP mama! You may be a TV girl, but you shine on that red carpet like the brightest film star! Yes, I have a total GIRL CRUSH on her. Can't lie. But still one of my faves of the night - the dress, the hair, the make-up...the way she ate PIZZA in the audience...LOVE HER!

Sandra Bullock - Alexander McQueen
You nailed it Sandy!  I have been rough on you in past years - if it wasn't the dress, it was the hair, or the weird lipstick choice. But this is a home run.  Dress is stunning, fits like a glove and I am OBSESSED with your MOVIE-STAR hair! It's just a shame that you didn't get up on that stage to REALLY show it off.  At least we got to see you all 742 times that Gravity won a technical award.  Nice job!

Charlize Theron - Christian Dior Couture
Yowza...that is how you wear a black dress.  Those of you that have read this blog in the past know my rules on black dresses...if you are not the agent or the publicist, it's a no-no. If it MUST happen, then it has to be BIG. Like over-the-top HUGE. This dress fits the bill. I mean, the woman is an Amazon Goddess with neck for days...she is like a human clothes hanger...but even so, this is a stunning dress on her.  Perfect.

Kate Hudson - Atelier Versace
Wow.  It's like an homage to American Hustle - she goes against all of my usual dislikes (white dress, flat-girl cleavage attempt) and turns it into a big fat LIKE...make that LOVE... dress...hair...home run Kate...now listen to me...you are never, EVER, under any circumstances to visit your Mom's closet - ok? You will notice that she is not up here at the top of the list like you...stay golden Kate!

Jennifer Lawrence - Dior
Contestant #1 in the Peplum Parade - but the only one on the "like" side for me. (Amy & Julia - do you hear me knocking?). Listen, much like Charlize, J-Law has the whole swan thing going on and her upper-body is unusually lengthy - not all dresses will look right on her, but this one works.  Honestly, without the funky backwards necklace thing, it would fall this side of boring, but she put her own twist on it.  I dig her - she is definitely on my GIRL CRUSH list.

Lupita Nyong'o - Prada
She was just the princess of the night - and for those that don't follow Awards Shows and red carpets obsessively - she has been putting on quite a fashion parade over the past two months.  This dress looks made for her - I probably would not even like it on most people, but on her, it's perfect.  I love color!

Anna Kendrick - J Mendel
Anna - I saw you pop up on several worst-dressed lists for this one - but I like it!  It's different, but in a good way for once...I like the crossover top and the waist detail (with matching clutch)...the hair could be better...kind of drab...but the dress is a little edgy, just like you.

Cate Blanchett - Armani Prive
It just seems done before. It's pretty, maybe a little too figure-skater at the top for my tastes, but I can't really say that it's ugly. It's just not wowing me. I am not big on the whole nude/illusion motif...it seems like it may be one of those dresses that's stunning in person and just doesn't photograph well? But you have hit higher heights in past years...so I must say that for your Best Actress Win year, I was hoping for more.  Earrings are great. That's all I got.  #reaching

Amy Adams - Gucci
Contestant #2 in the Peplum Parade
Amy. Let me clue you in on something.  Your hair is a MAJOR asset for you. So slicking it back into a bizarre finger wave/french twist thing is just not going to be a good time. The dress is aight. Again, a sense of deja vu all over again. Navy never comes across on camera the way it does in person. AGAIN...with your skin and hair and eyes - VIST THE JEWEL TONES SECTION OF THE COLOR WHEEL. You will find magic there...trust me.

Anne Hathaway - Gucci
Also Gucci. Hmmmm...I think I see where you are going here. Last year, you offended the universe with that Pepto pink horror with the bizarro neckline...so THIS year, you wanted to flip the deck and go EDGY.  Just not sure if you can pull off edgy Anne. You also have an amazing body for couture...but much like last year, I like the back more than the front.  And, much like last year, IT'S THE FRONT THAT WE ALL SEE. Can we try and find a happy medium somewhere between Pink Satin Princess and Gladiator Armor Breastplate? Thank you.

Viola Davis - Escada
COLOR! COLOR! YAY! Thank you Viola for bringing some color into a neverending barrage of black, white, metallic and the occasional red. It's a great dress and you wear it well.  Love the cuff bracelets too...perfect touch.  Score!

Naomi Watts - Calvin Klein
Another one that has done it better in past years. It's a little, dare I say, mature for her? She is aging herself. And the hair is not helping - listen up ladies - hair should not fall on to dress.  High neck = hair back or up or both. And it has a weird poof thing going on in the front - the hair I mean. She gushed on and on about the necklace on the red carpet - why not pull the hair back and show it off? #confused

Penelope Cruz - Giambattista Valli
I don't know - I feel like someone wore this already. I always want to like her - she has rocked some SICK dresses in the past (remember that flame one in deep red) - this seems very safe for her. Like Safe Deposit Box safe. The only good thing I can say is that her pale pink dress is prettier than Camilla Alves' pale pink dress (Matthew's current wife - Penelope is the ex - get it?) #bestrevenge












Bette Midler - Reem Acra
The Divine Miss M - showing off the ladies! I love it! I actually much preferred this dress to that sack of potatoes that you wore on stage to sing in.  It must be a real bitch to get changed halfway through the show. I am guessing there are Spanx involved in this scenario, and I KNOW how that goes.  How about don't change next time? Works for us. We won't judge. Well, we might, but only if the first dress sucks.





















Goldie Hawn - Atelier Versace
I am convinced that she has worn the exact same dress to every industry event since she met Kurt Russell. Has no one told her that it's just not that flattering? Does Kate not say something? I find that hard to believe. And do something with that rat's nest on top of your head already. Pull a Peter Brady Goldie - when it's time to change, then it's time to change. #shanananana

Glenn Close - Zac Posen
Contrary to many of the dresses on this list, I am thinking that this one might look better in PHOTOS than it does in person.  The fabric looks questionable. I like the silhouette though - I much prefer this to your manly-man pantsuits. But I must point out that if you were wearing a pointy black hat, one might think that you were subliminally auditioning for Elphaba in Wicked.  Just saying.

Jessica Biel - Chanel
It's an ok dress...there's just something missing here.  Oh wait, it's her man candy! Paging Justin Timberlake...your wife looks so much better on the red carpet when you are by her side - don't you have a jet or something? Can you not schedule your World Tour around this shit? I am sure that Jay Z does that for B. Come on now. You're better than that.

Jennifer Garner - Oscar de la Renta
I liked it better on the red carpet.  On stage, it was FLAPTASTIC. I will always love you Sydney Bristow...you know that.  But do you really expect us to believe that you and Ben can't scrape together the coin for a sitter for nights like this? You know what happens when half a married couple shows up at these things...that's how rumors start.  I hope you and Biel at least split the limo.

Laura Dern - Alberta Ferretti
Winner of this year's PLEASE EAT A BURGER AWARD. That is all. #yourspineisshowing

Meryl Streep - Lanvin
Yeah, yeah, I know I say it every year.  "Fashion doesn't matter - it's Meryl Streep!"  But can you throw us a bone once in a while? A color? A one-piece? A hairdo? It's nice to be the greatest living actress on the planet, but pretty can be fun too!

Julia Roberts - Givenchy
Contestant #3 in the Peplum Parade
I do not like this dress. It reminds me of Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies - like you might just RIP out that weird lace insert between the girls and make something happen.  But alas, this is not to be. Julia - you owe it to a whole generation of girls that first became obsessed with you as a somehow clean yet skanky hooker in Pretty Woman and followed you right into the self-righteousness of the somewhat clean yet skanky single mom in Erin Brockovich.  Dump the lace. Add some skank. And PS - the hair is really bad too.  Big mistake. Huge.

Liza Minnelli
Dress and Hair Streak by Autism Speaks
This is just too easy.
Forget it.

Sally Hawkins - Valentino
Sally - I am so very sorry, but you have been awarded the Tilda Swinton Award for 2014. I know it's hard not to take this personally, but trust me when I say that there have been other years where this award winner wore dresses that were way fuglier than yours. But really - you seem like a tiny little thing - though it is hard to tell since you are hiding under your great-grandmother's lace tablecloth and forgot to stop at the tailor to get yourself properly fitted.  One word for you sweetie...STYLIST.  Get one. Please.

THE PERFECT COUPLES ON PARADE...

Brangelina
Together since 2005...
a bunch of kids

Will & Jada
Together since 1997...
Couple of kids...

The Adorable Tatums
Also together since 2005...and a new baby! 

Matt & Camilla
Married only 2 years, but oh so cute...
Two young kids...

 Angela Chase and Jordan Catalano

Together the longest - since 1994...

Wait, what? Really?

Well, a girl can dream...

#mysocalledfantasy

That's a wrap folks! It's been fun!

Until next year...

Candi

Scratch That Surface. Please.

Ok folks - let's call this post a public service announcement of sorts...especially for those of us who spend a good chunk of our lives on all forms of social media and the internet.

I don't want to focus solely on Facebook (though that is the place where most of my WTF sensors go off...), so I will say that the following guidelines apply to all forms of social media where "sharing", "liking", "re-posting" and "commenting" are expected actions and options.  I am asking you for a huge favor...before you do any of the actions that are air-quoted in the prior sentence, please adhere to the following simple rules:

STOP. THINK. RESEARCH AS NEEDED.

Listen, I am all about good conversation - I love a healthy debate, enjoy sharing my opinions and arguing my side of things.  BUT...I also love to learn about new things...and am more than open to changing my opinions on a given topic if what I am "learning" leads me in a new direction.

Case in point - thanks to my countless hours of research on all things autism, I have expanded my horizons dramatically on the topics of medical care, nutrition, neurological science, vaccinations, toxins, gluten, therapies, alternative medicine, insurance, IEPs...the list goes on.  When this journey began, I read everything. I believed everything. I didn't necessarily share everything.  I knew that much of what I was studying was "off the beaten path" and didn't want to be a shit-stirrer.  It wasn't about getting others to believe me - it was just about collecting knowledge to better help my son.

But now that I am a few years in...my feelings have changed.  I believe LESS, but I share MORE. Because I have quickly figured out that you definitely CAN'T believe everything you read.  And the explosion of social media has lead to an epidemic of over-sharing of misinformation...quotes, articles, blogs, photos...people tend to click that SHARE button before determining if they are sharing fact or fiction.  This is infuriating.

Why do I have such strong opinions on this? Hell, why is it any of my business? Well, for those of us that are out here "fighting the fight" in the Wonderful World of Autism, or against GMO food, or for equal rights, or against animal cruelty, or for your chosen political party, or against domestic abuse...or any "cause" that you have decided is worth your time and passion - nothing is more frustrating than witnessing the dissemination of lies, propaganda, exaggerations, and general misinformation about your chosen agenda.


ALL THE NEWS NOT FIT TO PRINT...Here's a news flash for you. Just because it is written on the internet does not make it true.  If you are reading an article and it sounds a little off, a bit hard to believe, maybe a touch hard to swallow...see where it came from.  Determine if you are reading something that is FACT.  There are a rash of satiric websites that exist solely to publish completely false "news" stories, and then the authors sit back in their chairs and LAUGH AT YOU as they watch you share, comment, like and re-post what they have created as if it was "bible".  Here is a short list of sites that are SATIRE. UNTRUE. NOT REAL NEWS.  Read the list, remember the list, and only re-post items from this list if you are doing it knowingly, and letting your peeps KNOW that you know so THEY know...got it? The Onion, Private Eye, Indecision Forever, Newsbiscuit, The Spoof, Sports Pickle, Unconfirmed Sources, CAP News, The Enduring Vision, Derf Magazine, News Mutiny, The Dandy Goat, Premature Eulogies, Not Safe For Home

And then we have Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia and Urban Dictionary - sites like these are almost WORSE than the satiric ones - because they are "user-defined" - any Schmo with a laptop can go on there and write whatever they want - WARNING! THESE SITES ARE NOT ACCURATE! DO NOT QUOTE THEM!

BLOG POSTS - UNBIASED OPINION OR "ON THE BOOKS"?  You may not know this, but there is an entire "business" out there involving fake blog posts.  What is the point of a fake blog post, you ask? How can it be fake if it's someone's blog? They are being paid to write it. Not paid like royalties, paid like briberies.  Still not following? People are paid money to write an "opinion" that someone in corporate America needs to be pushed upon the general public.  There are powerful and wealthy lobbyists for every stance, religion, cause and product in corporate America.  By planting this "propaganda" within an innocent blog post, they are able to forward their agenda unquestioned - because it's just one person's story, right?  Think about what you are reading.  Does it sound genuine? Use your instincts - if you aren't sure, Google the author's name - see what comes up.


WHO SAID THAT?  The quotes.  Oh, the quotes.  You may not realize this, but the majority of the "celebrity" quotes out there in the online universe were never actually spoken by those getting the credit. Case in point...our dear friend Marilyn Monroe.  If you were to use the internet as your judge, that woman was a goddamn genius.  This is false. There is no actual proof that she muttered ANY of the quotes that are regularly and repeatedly attributed to her.  In fact, her life and experiences tend to dispute most of those quotes.  But people see her face...and SHARE SHARE SHARE...hey, she was a beautiful and powerful woman that (many) men adored...isn't that enough? She needs to be a brainiac too? Marilyn is not alone - this also stands true for Audrey Hepburn, Jackie Kennedy...let's all stop putting words into their mouths please...Here's a great blog on this very topic...

Of course, you have the option of ignoring everything that I said here and going on in your little world of sharing everything under the sun...but you would be doing yourself a disservice.  Realize the impact of your opinions - yes, when you are sharing something, liking something or commenting favorably on something, you are forming an opinion. You are endorsing it.  You are lending it credibility. This is a powerful tool and should be respected accordingly.

Now...SHARE THIS POST!

(Only kidding...totally optional)