The Journey Takes A Turn...

I write this post with a heavy heart but with a renewed sense of purpose as we embark on a new phase of our journey with autism.

After six years, I am saddened to say that Laps For Luke will not be participating in the 2015 Walk Now For Autism Speaks event.

Before I go any further, I want to tell you that there are no words for how appreciative our family is for the love and support we have received from everyone in our life.  I will forever be proud to say that our team raised over $100,000 in the past 6 years - a feat that never would have occurred if not for this love and support - and the various team members that worked tirelessly to raise money.  More important than the money was the awareness we raised along the way...I will forever hold in my heart the vision of red shirts walking for my little boy. We are well aware of our immense blessings.  And this feeling is one that makes this decision so very hard to make.

First and foremost, I am just tired.  It takes a lot of time and energy to be the captain of this team. While it has always made me proud and made me feel like I am doing something important for the autism community, I had to take a long hard look at my own home and family and realize that often times they were coming in second place to fundraising for a few months out of every year.  There was a piece of me that believed that if I just focused on doing good things that the good karma would be returned to me by way of Luke.  But I am sad to tell you that he is not showing the improvements we have hoped for.  He is getting older, and stronger, and more difficult to manage.  Other areas of our life are being affected - time and money are two things we just do not have enough of. It's that simple.  And I am sharing this with all of you because you deserve to know the full story behind this decision.  For the sake of my family, my marriage, my home, my other two kids, and my Luke, I need to put my 100% focus on them for a while and see if I can turn some stuff around.

The Walk has been such an important thing to so many people in my life, and again - being honest, that's part of the reason I stuck around as long as I did. The community involvement, the generosity of friends and family that makes them feel like they are helping me in some way...this all combines to make it one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. To have strangers stop and knock on our door to offer donations...to have young girls selling lemonade and handing us the proceeds, to have a little girl give us a donation out of her own Communion gifts...there is no way to fully acknowledge the ways that our hearts have been touched.

I do have some fundamental differences with Autism Speaks and what they support and spend money on - I cannot truly say that their beliefs on autism line up with Luke's version of autism and what he needs/will need for the rest of his life.  Regardless of that, I one million percent believe that they are helping large quantities of people in this community - even if their methodologies don't jive with my own, I have never felt that I was raising the money for LUKE - my efforts were for all of the kids affected by autism - low and high functioning and everything in between.  I raised money for the kids that have yet to be born - to find answers where there are none.

2012 - The "Wheelchair" Walk

Having said that, I feel strongly that I need to make a true attempt at the special diet and unconventional therapies that I have seen work for so many others in giving their child a better life.  I am aware that they may not work for Luke - but if there is a chance that his life can be easier for him than it is right now - I have to take that chance. He will be 10 years old this year - he is in diapers, he is nonverbal, and I believe that he lives a lot of his life in physical pain - and it breaks my heart every moment of every day.  Taking this chance requires lots of time, energy and money - I have none of these three right now - but I need to do whatever I can to find all three - and taking a step back from commitments like the Walk (as well as serving on the Walk Committee) is one of those necessities that has to happen to achieve this.

2013 - Too Wet For Team Picture

I want to make it extremely clear that just because we will no longer do the Walk does not mean that I will EVER stop advocating for my boy and the autism community.  There is no end to that.  While I did not choose autism (it chose me), I will continue to embrace it as my passion in terms of seeking out answers, sharing information and staying involved.  While there are those who will say that we have "enough awareness" I do not believe this to be true.  Awareness means different things to different people. When I tell a stranger that my son has autism, and the response is something like "Wow, what is his special talent?" - I know that the awareness is not where it needs to be. This is the biggest challenge in the autism community - the "spectrum" is so vast and spread out - different kids needing different things - it is almost impossible to believe that real progress will ever be made.  But that will not stop me.



So while this part of our journey ends, we go on.  We do so knowing that we have the continued love and support from so many - and there are no words to convey the importance of that.  There are days that are just so hard...we are blessed to have people in our world that offer what they can...a laugh when we need one, a shoulder when we need one, always compassion and never pity.  For this we are eternally grateful.

2014 at MetLife Stadium - The Last Walk

And it is our sincere hope that you will ALL continue to raise awareness for autism and children on the spectrum in whatever ways you can - teaching your kids, sharing stories with your friends and family, sticking up for those who do not have a voice.

Here is a link to a video slideshow that I made following the 2012 Walk...memories that we will hold in our hearts forever.

http://www.kizoa.com/Video-Maker/d4110612kP173035658o1l1/laps-for-luke

With Much Love & Appreciation,
The Calderone Family
Candi, Adam, Evan, Luke & Gia

Unity In The Community...

"United we stand, divided we fall.  Let us not split into factions which must destroy that union upon which our existence hangs..."  Patrick Henry

Now that April is over, I am doing my annual "BIG EXHALE" and reflecting on how I am feeling about autism this year.  It occurred to me this week that I am sort of like a "veteran" now in this whole autism thing. Not because my son is almost nine years old and has been on this journey for seven years.  If we are breaking down time, I spent at least the first three years in a state of numb disbelief, getting through the todays by not thinking about the tomorrows and smoking many packs of cigarettes.  When I did eventually shake it off and put on my big girl pants (which were literally quite big as I was also consuming many cookies with those cigarettes), I focused mainly on my boy - what went on between the walls of our home, and at his school.  I had a hard time reading materials on autism - even the inspirational stuff.  ESPECIALLY the inspirational stuff.  It just pissed me off.  Even though the panties were on, the brain was still lingering over there in the "poor, pitiful me" section of the arena.

I guess it was really just about two years ago that I started to read.  And then I went to town.  I read it all - anything I could find.  I started to realize the true enormity of what is going on here.  I figured out that my Luke is only but a blip on the autism radar.

The result of that research is that at this time, I feel confident and comfortable making the following statement about my child's autism and what I believe to be the cause/reason/why/story of what the hell is going on around here:

I believe that my son's autism is a result of toxic overload, including, but not limited to toxins resulting from the environment, the air we breathe, the products we clean with, the food we eat, the vaccines we inject, the medicines we take, the carpets we walk on, the water we drink.  I believe that it is a man-made affliction, and not a random genetic quirk.  I believe this as a result of research, and not because it's what I WANT or NEED to be true.  

One very important thing I want you to notice in the statement above:

It says MY SON'S autism.  It says this because I do not for one second believe that all of these kids have the same thing.

My belief is that this "spectrum" word that gets thrown around is actually an all-encompassing toxic tundra of illness - autism, ADHD, asthma, allergies, autoimmune diseases...and taking it a step further, I also believe that a large number of cancers are also taking up some space with us here as well.

Yup - I said that.  I don't think they all have the same thing.  I don't mean that they are all "different" or "fall on different parts of the spectrum"...I mean that they should be diagnosed with different things.

See, according to the "professionals", autism is not a medical thing.  Again, those that know me may not realize this because I have called it medical for years now.  But the party line according to "the powers that be" is that autism is a neurological disorder.  This means that any and all bizarre medical side effects are considered to be just that - EFFECTS of the neurological disorder.  Starts with the brain.  Go see a neurologist.  Blood work doesn't matter.  Diet?  We don't need no stinking diets!

But there is much evidence to the contrary.  Evidence that says that it starts with the body, or more specifically, the gut.  And that a damaged gut can lead to a MYRIAD of physical problems, as well as altered neurological behaviors, many of which resemble the typical actions and mannerisms of autism.

What if it's BOTH?  What is there is a condition that we will (for the sake of this discussion) call "typical autism" - a neurological condition with minimal physical side effects, multiple social and communication challenges, sensory issues, etc.  BUT - what if there is ANOTHER condition (hmmmm...let's call it "toxic autism" - again, for the sake of the discussion) - and THIS version starts with the gut - an intestinal system ravaged by toxins in all forms, not able to successfully process the overload...leading to a myriad of physical and neurological effects.

I am not crazy.  This makes sense.  Think about the autism community.

There is a large segment of the autism community that do not want a cure.  In fact, they are horribly offended that one would even refer to autism as a problem to be fixed rather than just a part of who they are. They rally against Autism Speaks and similar groups, with signs reading "You don't SPEAK for us!"

And I get it.  I really do.  I respect that you are an individual, aware of your own challenges, working hard every day to find your place in this world.  I respect your right to live your life and treat your autism as merely an identifiable piece of who you are.  In fact, I applaud you for that.  And you deserve all of the programs, devices, systems and supports available to aid you in fulfilling your potential as a high-functioning individual on the spectrum.

BUT - and stay with me here - that is not my son's life.  My son's life is limited. And difficult.  We do not use the word "blessing" when we speak of autism in our home.  He is non-verbal. He wears diapers. He spends his days running, jumping, stimming...we spend our days watching, corralling, protecting...he will most likely need to be taken care of for the rest of his life. And you want me to just accept that? Not on your life.  

Does he smile? Yes. Does he like to be tickled? Oh yeah. Do I believe he has feelings for us? With all of my heart. Do I value him as a human being and consider myself blessed that he was born? Absolutely.  Do I love him?  With every inch of my heart and soul.

But do I think that his autism is just a challenging little piece of him that we should learn to embrace?

NO. JUST NO.

Why have we not entertained the notion that this spectrum is not really what we think it is?  That all of the various degrees of "autism" may not BE the same thing?  Since "no one knows" why autism is happening in the increased numbers that it is, should we not consider the fact that we have it all wrong?

Think about it - what if the rightfully proud, socially-challenged, high-functioning ASD or Aspie kid does not have the same thing as my child, or the millions of children like him?  It stands to reason that this "group" would require a completely different set of services than someone like my son, don't you think?  And yet here we all are, fighting against each other over what we should be fighting for instead of considering the notion that we may just have it all wrong.

The ridiculous in-fighting within our own community is only serving to delay progress for all of us.  We can't even agree on the basic premise of exactly what it is we all need or want, and this may not even be our own fault.  This needs to change if we ever expect progress of any kind.

In the interest of the greater good, I will continue to support any and all groups, factions, theories, programs and what have you when it comes to autism - because until we know with absolute 100% certainty what the HELL is going on here, NO ONE has the right to discount any part of this discussion.  If that offends the high-functioning segment of our community, that's just too damn bad.  Autism is not just yours.  You do not get to determine what it is and what it isn't just because you have your own voice.  You can decide not to support a specific group if you like, but maybe instead of creating a split within ourselves we can all wake up and realize that it's not low-functioning against high-functioning - it's autism against the world.

We stand together - or we fall apart.  

1 in 68...Are Still Waiting...

WARNING:  Mama is not happy today.  Sarcasm and anger to follow...I am far past the point of gratuitous sugar-coating when it comes to all things autism people...deal with it.

Today the CDC released the latest statistics on autism prevalence in our country.

1 in 68.  ONE out of every SIXTY EIGHT children in this country has an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). This is a 30% increase over the previous statistic of 1 in 88.  Oh, you remember 1 in 88...you know, the report from TWO YEARS AGO.  Yup, you read that right - 30% increase in just two years. 1 in 88 is just SO yesterday!

Here's something you may not be aware of - this study is done every two years on a sampling of children that are eight years old.  Though it is currently the year 2014, this is the 2010 statistic (four years to tally the numbers I guess?) This means that the 1 in 68 statistic applies to children that were born in the year 2002. Twelve years ago.  My son, and all of my other autism mama friends' kids were not even born yet.  Gee, I wonder what the number will be for Luke's year? At this rate, it will be 1 out of 2 for the year my daughter was born! I'm not really joking.

New Jersey is one of the 11 states used in the national analysis.  Ready for this one?

1 in 45 children in New Jersey has an ASD.  1 in 21 boys.

ONE OUT OF EVERY TWENTY ONE BOYS BORN IN THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY IN THE YEAR 2002 IS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM.

Yes, I am aware that caps signify yelling.  I AM YELLING PEOPLE.

For those of you that are not grasping the reality of these numbers (or if you just suck at math), let me throw a little comparison out there for you...there are more children with an ASD than are affected by diabetes, AIDS, cancer, cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy or Down syndrome – combined.

COMBINED. As in, all of them together.  The fact that each of these INDIVIDUALLY receives more government funding than autism does is a topic for another (angrier, sarcasmier) blog post.  But here's a little visual on that interesting situation from a few years ago taken from our good friends over at TACA (Talk About Curing Autism)...

And yet, the CDC continues to downplay the statistics.  They refuse to label this as an EPIDEMIC, or give it the national attention it deserves as a PRIORITY to be investigated and FIXED.  Did you know that they gave trampoline injuries a status of "epidemic" based on 1,200 children getting hurt in 1996? Hmmmm...now let's think about that.  Who suffers when a child is hurt on a trampoline? No, BESIDES the child silly!  They don't give a rat's ass about Timmy's busted arm! But you know who DOES pay? Literally?  Home insurance companies.  What? You didn't know that? Oh yes, home insurance companies can deny you coverage if you have a trampoline in your backyard.  I am going to venture a guess that the "epidemic" label helped the insurance companies push that sucker right on through.

You know who else can't be sued? Vaccine manufacturers.  What do I mean?  Well, it's really quite simple. In 1986, the Vaccine Protection Act was passed - hey, that sounds like it would be protecting us from vaccines? What's wrong with that?  Jump back sister...the only thing this act is protecting is the MANUFACTURERS of the vaccines. As of 1986, these "big pharma" hotshots could make anything to be jammed into our kids, and were given indemnification from legal action in any case of a negative reaction, whether it was a rash or death.  And then THIS happened...

Insurance companies...Big Pharma...wait a minute...this sounds like it has something to do with MONEY? Nah, that CAN'T be true!  

My son was diagnosed in the year 2007.  In one of the more twisted ironies of my life, that anniversary falls right around the same time as WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS DAY! (I could not possibly be more aware...trust me).  In the past seven years, I have heard TONS about what does NOT cause autism.  It's NOT the vaccines, it's NOT the environment, it's NOT medications, it's NOT the air in New Jersey (1 in 21 = 3 times the national average...hmmmmm), it's NOT GMOs or PRESERVATIVES in our food...

Can we please STOP talking about what is NOT causing it - and START figuring out what IS causing it?

Check the air, check the food, check the cleaning products, check the water, check the medicines, and YES - CHECK THE VACCINES - check them all - completely and thoroughly and figure out what the hell is going on before we lose another generation of children.  Enough is enough.

I want to finish this post by saying something that I don't normally say.  I don't feel the need to scare people - I have always gone by the assumption that parenting is an individual and personal journey for everyone, and unless someone ASKS me for an opinion on this stuff, I keep the gloom and doom to myself.  Well, I have changed my mind.  I am publicly stating that ALL NEW PARENTS or PARENTS-TO-BE need to be aware that this is happening.  It is scary.  But it is on you to be aware, to do the research, to trust doctors, but to QUESTION them when your gut is telling you to.  To read food labels. To limit your child's intake of acetaminophen, antibiotics or other medications when they are not truly necessary.  Take whatever precautions you can in your home to create a "clean" environment...because they DO NOT KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING.  It could be all of that, it could be none of that, it could be a bizarre combination of several of these things...BUT WE DON'T KNOW.

This is not just a problem for families touched by autism.  This is everyone's problem.  Those that know my son may think that they are off the hook (dodged a bullet so-to-speak?) as he is the ONE in 68 in your world...but every two years that number is going up...and even if your kids are spared...do something about this today that may help other peoples' children...or your future grandchildren...go back to the top and read those stats again...what do you think they will be when your kids are having their own children?

Please get angry.  And then go to this website and share that anger:
Click here to contact our elected officials

For two years our autism community has used the mantra "1 in 88 can't wait..."

Well, now it's 1 in 68...and they are still waiting.

Oscars 2014...Alright, Alright, Alright!

CANDI'S OSCARS 2014 RECAP...

Welcome to the 7th Annual Oscars Fashion Recap...we have taken this puppy from email to Facebook to Blogger, Twitter and beyond...thanks for stopping by!

What can I say?  I've seen better, I've seen worse - that goes for the show itself as well as the fashions.  It continues to be a trying time in fashion over there in Hollywood.  There is no discernible style that I can see. In a word, I would have to say SAFE is the best way to describe the current trend.  Not many risk-takers, and the ones that do often get rapped across the knuckles for stepping out of the box!  But as always, the night had its moments...so let's get to it!

The ABC Red Carpet Special - Robin Roberts is always a class act...BUT how do you NOT have style guru Clinton Kelly from The Chew doing fashion commentary over that himbo Tyson Beckford? The man called Julia Roberts JESSICA. Nuff said.  You are not invited back. Leave the microphone at the door on your way out please. Buh-bye.

The E! Red Carpet Special - Broken record here - I'll use one of Kelly's favorite words - "This group is completely and utterly boring."  Kelly, Ross and Giuliana - all morons who bring nothing to the table other than vapid useless gushing. Still in need of a thesaurus.  And the "special" guests are a joke.  The only special guest this group needs is Joan Rivers - know why? Because this gang is like Randy Jackson mixed with Paula Abdul and sprinkled with happy fairy dust. THEY LOVE EVERYONE.  EVERYONE LOOKS INCREDIBLE.  I can't.  And note to E! - if you are going to have Ryan Seacrest in the money spot, get that boy a platform or something - he just looks positively miniscule interviewing all of these strapping actors and amazon actresses that dwarf him.  No bueno.

RED CARPET SPOTLIGHT:

Click here to view the now Annual "Jennifer Lawrence Falling At The Oscars"

ON WITH THE SHOW...

Aaaaahhhh Ellen - always a fun time - and she didn't disappoint - love her out and about in the audience throwing them all off guard...she really has the perfect shtick for the Oscars - funny, but not condescending...she is safe...just as a host should be...the Awards and the nominees (well, the dresses too) should be the STARS of the show. The pizza bit was genius.  And mad props to the stars that actually ATE pizza while in their Oscar finest.


My Personal Highlight - On a night packed with amazing musical
performances (Pharrell, Idina, Bette, U2 - all amazing), my standout moment was PINK singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow during The Wizard of Oz tribute.
A Side Note About Me:  Only a few know this about me (my sister is giggling right now), but I am PETRIFIED of The Wizard of Oz.   I have not watched it since I was a child due to chronic nightmares (those frigging monkeys).  After seeing Wicked on Broadway this year and now this, maybe I can attempt to tackle my Oz-o-phobia (well, probably not).

Matthew McConaughey & The Cat Lady...Oh no.  What a shame.  One can only hope that they dragged Kim Novak out to serve as a cautionary tale to all of the younger actresses in the audience not to take botox and plastic surgery too far...YIKES.  I know she is 81 years old, but really.  Can we all just agree that the Academy is not doing any justice to these "legends" (I am speaking about you too Mr. Poitier) by sending them out on stage and giving them the Dick Clark treatment?  They can barely see the damn TelePrompter!  You want to honor them?  Show some FABULOUS clips of them on film in their heyday and then shine a light on them standing to wave as they receive the appropriate standing ovation.  OK - stepping down from soapbox now.

And then THIS happened.

Ex-squeeze me? Baking Powder?  (YES! Wayne's World reference opportunity!)
Ummmmm...really John?  REALLY?  ADELE DAZEEM? Who in God's name is that? Did you even READ the script?  Have you heard of the woman Mr. Musical-lover? Did you skip rehearsals? You don't get a pass on this.  On a night when presenters strung together multiple ethnically-tinged monikers, you blow one name? You sir, just like Mr. Beckford, are banned.  Leave the stage, and do not return unless it is to dance.  No talking.

The Superstar Selfie That Broke Twitter  #genius

AND THE WINNERS WERE...

This was a night the oddsmakers dream of...all four acting awards seemed to be pre-determined...but the surprising part was that THREE of these winners made AMAZING and HEARTFELT speeches that will be remembered for years to come...the "newbie" joy of Lupita as she recognized that her happiness was inevitably tied to the miseries suffered by her ancestors, Jared showing maturity in honoring his brave single mom, Matthew the family man getting philosophical in a good way...I cried three times.  Who left me dry? Cate Blanchett - methinks she is a little condescending - I believe that #suckitjulia was supposed to be an inside joke between them - but it's not usually a good call to bust out inside jokes in front of a billion people.  She forgot to mention DAME Judi Dench in her "mentioning the other nominees so I look appreciative" paragraph and I am pretty sure that she bashed the length of Gravity (and indirectly the film itself) while "appreciating" Sandra Bullock. Kind of ironic that Cate was the one of the four to NOT display class, humility and pure joy.  Hmmmmm...

And I don't really understand the new trend in "splitting" the Best Director and Best Picture Awards.  Seems to be that you can't really have one without the other...two amazing movies...I guess it's just a "share the wealth" thing.  Still strange.

OK - enough about the stupid awards...let's talk fashion!

Kerry Washington - Jason Wu
Grecian Grey Perfection! Way to embrace the BUMP mama! You may be a TV girl, but you shine on that red carpet like the brightest film star! Yes, I have a total GIRL CRUSH on her. Can't lie. But still one of my faves of the night - the dress, the hair, the make-up...the way she ate PIZZA in the audience...LOVE HER!

Sandra Bullock - Alexander McQueen
You nailed it Sandy!  I have been rough on you in past years - if it wasn't the dress, it was the hair, or the weird lipstick choice. But this is a home run.  Dress is stunning, fits like a glove and I am OBSESSED with your MOVIE-STAR hair! It's just a shame that you didn't get up on that stage to REALLY show it off.  At least we got to see you all 742 times that Gravity won a technical award.  Nice job!

Charlize Theron - Christian Dior Couture
Yowza...that is how you wear a black dress.  Those of you that have read this blog in the past know my rules on black dresses...if you are not the agent or the publicist, it's a no-no. If it MUST happen, then it has to be BIG. Like over-the-top HUGE. This dress fits the bill. I mean, the woman is an Amazon Goddess with neck for days...she is like a human clothes hanger...but even so, this is a stunning dress on her.  Perfect.

Kate Hudson - Atelier Versace
Wow.  It's like an homage to American Hustle - she goes against all of my usual dislikes (white dress, flat-girl cleavage attempt) and turns it into a big fat LIKE...make that LOVE... dress...hair...home run Kate...now listen to me...you are never, EVER, under any circumstances to visit your Mom's closet - ok? You will notice that she is not up here at the top of the list like you...stay golden Kate!

Jennifer Lawrence - Dior
Contestant #1 in the Peplum Parade - but the only one on the "like" side for me. (Amy & Julia - do you hear me knocking?). Listen, much like Charlize, J-Law has the whole swan thing going on and her upper-body is unusually lengthy - not all dresses will look right on her, but this one works.  Honestly, without the funky backwards necklace thing, it would fall this side of boring, but she put her own twist on it.  I dig her - she is definitely on my GIRL CRUSH list.

Lupita Nyong'o - Prada
She was just the princess of the night - and for those that don't follow Awards Shows and red carpets obsessively - she has been putting on quite a fashion parade over the past two months.  This dress looks made for her - I probably would not even like it on most people, but on her, it's perfect.  I love color!

Anna Kendrick - J Mendel
Anna - I saw you pop up on several worst-dressed lists for this one - but I like it!  It's different, but in a good way for once...I like the crossover top and the waist detail (with matching clutch)...the hair could be better...kind of drab...but the dress is a little edgy, just like you.

Cate Blanchett - Armani Prive
It just seems done before. It's pretty, maybe a little too figure-skater at the top for my tastes, but I can't really say that it's ugly. It's just not wowing me. I am not big on the whole nude/illusion motif...it seems like it may be one of those dresses that's stunning in person and just doesn't photograph well? But you have hit higher heights in past years...so I must say that for your Best Actress Win year, I was hoping for more.  Earrings are great. That's all I got.  #reaching

Amy Adams - Gucci
Contestant #2 in the Peplum Parade
Amy. Let me clue you in on something.  Your hair is a MAJOR asset for you. So slicking it back into a bizarre finger wave/french twist thing is just not going to be a good time. The dress is aight. Again, a sense of deja vu all over again. Navy never comes across on camera the way it does in person. AGAIN...with your skin and hair and eyes - VIST THE JEWEL TONES SECTION OF THE COLOR WHEEL. You will find magic there...trust me.

Anne Hathaway - Gucci
Also Gucci. Hmmmm...I think I see where you are going here. Last year, you offended the universe with that Pepto pink horror with the bizarro neckline...so THIS year, you wanted to flip the deck and go EDGY.  Just not sure if you can pull off edgy Anne. You also have an amazing body for couture...but much like last year, I like the back more than the front.  And, much like last year, IT'S THE FRONT THAT WE ALL SEE. Can we try and find a happy medium somewhere between Pink Satin Princess and Gladiator Armor Breastplate? Thank you.

Viola Davis - Escada
COLOR! COLOR! YAY! Thank you Viola for bringing some color into a neverending barrage of black, white, metallic and the occasional red. It's a great dress and you wear it well.  Love the cuff bracelets too...perfect touch.  Score!

Naomi Watts - Calvin Klein
Another one that has done it better in past years. It's a little, dare I say, mature for her? She is aging herself. And the hair is not helping - listen up ladies - hair should not fall on to dress.  High neck = hair back or up or both. And it has a weird poof thing going on in the front - the hair I mean. She gushed on and on about the necklace on the red carpet - why not pull the hair back and show it off? #confused

Penelope Cruz - Giambattista Valli
I don't know - I feel like someone wore this already. I always want to like her - she has rocked some SICK dresses in the past (remember that flame one in deep red) - this seems very safe for her. Like Safe Deposit Box safe. The only good thing I can say is that her pale pink dress is prettier than Camilla Alves' pale pink dress (Matthew's current wife - Penelope is the ex - get it?) #bestrevenge












Bette Midler - Reem Acra
The Divine Miss M - showing off the ladies! I love it! I actually much preferred this dress to that sack of potatoes that you wore on stage to sing in.  It must be a real bitch to get changed halfway through the show. I am guessing there are Spanx involved in this scenario, and I KNOW how that goes.  How about don't change next time? Works for us. We won't judge. Well, we might, but only if the first dress sucks.





















Goldie Hawn - Atelier Versace
I am convinced that she has worn the exact same dress to every industry event since she met Kurt Russell. Has no one told her that it's just not that flattering? Does Kate not say something? I find that hard to believe. And do something with that rat's nest on top of your head already. Pull a Peter Brady Goldie - when it's time to change, then it's time to change. #shanananana

Glenn Close - Zac Posen
Contrary to many of the dresses on this list, I am thinking that this one might look better in PHOTOS than it does in person.  The fabric looks questionable. I like the silhouette though - I much prefer this to your manly-man pantsuits. But I must point out that if you were wearing a pointy black hat, one might think that you were subliminally auditioning for Elphaba in Wicked.  Just saying.

Jessica Biel - Chanel
It's an ok dress...there's just something missing here.  Oh wait, it's her man candy! Paging Justin Timberlake...your wife looks so much better on the red carpet when you are by her side - don't you have a jet or something? Can you not schedule your World Tour around this shit? I am sure that Jay Z does that for B. Come on now. You're better than that.

Jennifer Garner - Oscar de la Renta
I liked it better on the red carpet.  On stage, it was FLAPTASTIC. I will always love you Sydney Bristow...you know that.  But do you really expect us to believe that you and Ben can't scrape together the coin for a sitter for nights like this? You know what happens when half a married couple shows up at these things...that's how rumors start.  I hope you and Biel at least split the limo.

Laura Dern - Alberta Ferretti
Winner of this year's PLEASE EAT A BURGER AWARD. That is all. #yourspineisshowing

Meryl Streep - Lanvin
Yeah, yeah, I know I say it every year.  "Fashion doesn't matter - it's Meryl Streep!"  But can you throw us a bone once in a while? A color? A one-piece? A hairdo? It's nice to be the greatest living actress on the planet, but pretty can be fun too!

Julia Roberts - Givenchy
Contestant #3 in the Peplum Parade
I do not like this dress. It reminds me of Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies - like you might just RIP out that weird lace insert between the girls and make something happen.  But alas, this is not to be. Julia - you owe it to a whole generation of girls that first became obsessed with you as a somehow clean yet skanky hooker in Pretty Woman and followed you right into the self-righteousness of the somewhat clean yet skanky single mom in Erin Brockovich.  Dump the lace. Add some skank. And PS - the hair is really bad too.  Big mistake. Huge.

Liza Minnelli
Dress and Hair Streak by Autism Speaks
This is just too easy.
Forget it.

Sally Hawkins - Valentino
Sally - I am so very sorry, but you have been awarded the Tilda Swinton Award for 2014. I know it's hard not to take this personally, but trust me when I say that there have been other years where this award winner wore dresses that were way fuglier than yours. But really - you seem like a tiny little thing - though it is hard to tell since you are hiding under your great-grandmother's lace tablecloth and forgot to stop at the tailor to get yourself properly fitted.  One word for you sweetie...STYLIST.  Get one. Please.

THE PERFECT COUPLES ON PARADE...

Brangelina
Together since 2005...
a bunch of kids

Will & Jada
Together since 1997...
Couple of kids...

The Adorable Tatums
Also together since 2005...and a new baby! 

Matt & Camilla
Married only 2 years, but oh so cute...
Two young kids...

 Angela Chase and Jordan Catalano

Together the longest - since 1994...

Wait, what? Really?

Well, a girl can dream...

#mysocalledfantasy

That's a wrap folks! It's been fun!

Until next year...

Candi

A Dream...Reinterpreted

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  He is remembered for his tireless fight for civil rights and equality, culminating in his untimely death by assassination.  We have all heard the stories and read the quotes over the years attributed to Dr. King.  As with most things in my life, autism brings a fresh perspective on events from the past.  Just as Dr. King dreamed his dream of freedom and equal rights for all, I too have a dream.

Dr. King with his wife and daughter

I dream of a world where the people in the autism community can come together and figure out a way to fight for the same things without cutting each other down.  Where high-functioning and low-functioning can live together on this thing we call a spectrum and both get what they need, when they need it.  Where all parents and educators can work together and figure out that we are stronger united than we are divided. Where we can learn to abandon the black and white and embrace the grey area - respecting the individuals that have their own voice and are not looking for a "cure", while still recognizing that some of their more affected counterparts on the lower end need intervention from the medical community and the government to get to a better place.  

After the years that I have spent reading countless posts, articles, comment threads and chat rooms, I can safely say that this dream is far from being recognized.  There is a disconnect that is so vast, so emotional that it will take much to overcome.  But I refuse to be black and white.  I will follow this journey and embrace all sides...I will share what I have learned with as many as will listen - I will continue to raise funds and serve in a volunteer role in Autism Speaks - haters are going to hate, but I will defend my mission - with knowledge and with passion, not with regurgitated rhetoric and untruths...and I will work tirelessly to see this dream come to fruition. It may not help my boy, but it will help someone's down the line.  And that is reason enough for me.

In looking back at Dr. King's more famous quotes, I am struck by how many of them can be applied to my ongoing autism journey...

“Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.”
In the first days following Luke's diagnosis, shock was quickly followed by a general numbness and an overwhelming urge to just curl up in a ball and be mad - angry - bitter - all those things - why my boy? Why me? What did I do?  I knew without a doubt that if I gave in to those feelings that there is a good chance I would never have gotten out of that pit of despair.  It still rears it's ugly head once in a while, but I have figured out how to get past it (a good cry, a glass of wine, a chat with a friend...all good remedies...).

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
The happy ending seems so far away sometimes - when I let myself think about my son's future, it's hard to ignore that the picture in my head is not perfect - but taking each step as it comes blurs the edges of that picture and gives me hope that it will change a little bit every day.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
I have loved my husband since I was 14 years old.  But NEVER have I loved him more than when in the heat of an autism-induced tit-for-tat spat I said to him "You can go - no one ever judges the father when he leaves" and he looked at me and replied "I would judge myself. And I'm not going anywhere."

“We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.”
Aaaaahhhh my autism moms...love them like sisters...rely on them like crack!  Where would I be without them? I don't want to know.  We are all different - our kids are all living on different parts of the spectrum - and let's face it - we would not be friends without autism - but we each have an oar on this great big boat...STROKE...STROKE...STROKE...

“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”
Over the past seven years, I have read more information on autism than I thought possible.  And my conclusions don't seem to "mesh" with the mainstream - I have a very clear and specific opinion about autism and why it is happening...and even though I don't feel like my stance is currently on the "publicly accepted" list, it is what it is - I couldn't change it if I tried - I feel it in my heart and in my brain and in my gut.  You don't have to agree with me - I respect all journeys...just make sure you respect back.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
One day at a time - the autism mama's mantra - keep moving - keep learning - keep doing - and your child will get there.

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
Hope.  It's the only word that matters on some days.  What I thought was a bad day a few years ago is now a good day - these disappointments serve to make me stronger and more prepared for battle...and make no mistake, it's a battle.  And I plan to win.

Happy Birthday Dr. King...and thank you for the inspiration...

Autism Doesn't Just Speak - It Yells...

When I started this blog (a whopping 2 days ago), I intended to wow you all with my comedic talents to lure you into being a fan of my work...I wanted to show you the humorous side of autism and how my family gets by with a little help from our jokes...but then I headed into my first Autism Speaks National Volunteer Leadership Conference here in Chicago...well, as my friend Sharon said - it's not really Chicago - it's a 2-day layover since we are at an airport motel at O'Hare - nevertheless, here I am at the end of the first full day of the conference and struggling to find the hilarity in it.

It's very hard to describe the emotional impact of being in a room with over 300 people that are fighting your fight.  We sit and talk to each other, and within 5 minutes, I relate to a person that I know nothing else about other than that she is living with an autistic child.  We have struggled with the same fears, cried the same tears, been angry at the same world that has put us in this position.  There is an instant, unspoken bond that we share, though both of us would have been happier to have never met before...it is autism that brings us together.  There is a silent understanding that we GET each other.

I don't want my blog to become an Autism Speaks commercial, but I have to say that sitting in a ballroom all day SEEING and HEARING where the fundraising dollars are spent is fascinating, reassuring, powerful and impactful.  Since becoming a part of the Autism Speaks community, I have heard negative remarks from several autism parents - in fact, I recently read a few articles that were anti-AS because I wanted to know what their beef was.  The top three specific complaints that were listed included:

1) They don't have any autistic Board members.
2) They act like autism is a disease instead of accepting it as a lifestyle.
3) They spend too much money on research instead of giving it to families.
  
Go back and read those three things again.

Are these people out of their fucking minds?

I can only speak about my son Luke, but suffice it to say that he would not be a positive addition to any Board Of Directors...and he doesn't have much of a lifestyle to speak of unless jumping on a trampoline and breaking shit is now considered a "lifestyle choice"...and too much money on research? For real? I will always support the organization that spends the MOST money on research - I refuse to accept that this will be my son's life and I will spend the rest of my living days raising money and advocating for research, progress and a cure. Period. End of story.

OK - off the soapbox...

I have had the pleasure to get to know some pretty amazing chicks on this journey...not something I was open to in the beginning...but something that I have now come to appreciate as one of the few bright spots in this unchosen life.  A recurring theme of today's conference was the terminology of the people volunteering and raising money for Autism Speaks - the parents of autistic children are DRAFTED - we didn't get a choice (and damn I would have made a hot run for the border if I knew the draft slip was coming!).  People that do not have an autistic child of their own (or close to them) are the CIVILIANS - they read and watch stories about the war, but they are not on the front lines.  There is a whole other group of heroes and heroines we will call the ENLISTED - people that do not have autistic children of their own or even in their extended family - yet volunteer out of the goodness of their heart and their general understanding that autism really does affect us all - if you don't believe that it affects you, go and Google "Autism Costs Of Care" and then shield your eyes from the staggering numbers - all the walks in the world won't pay that bill!


I have had many people tell me that I am "amazing" and "incredible" for raising money and advocating the way that I do on behalf of my son...but please understand that I am his mother - it's my job and I do not have a choice.  But these enlisted soldiers are CHOOSING to be an active part of this fight - they are volunteering to stand next to us on the front lines...what is more amazing than that?


Well, it's my last night here in semi-Chicago - so I am off to savor the large, fluffy bed ALL BY MYSELF and dream happy dreams of beakers, bunsen burners and scientific breakthroughs...back to reality tomorrow as the Cinderella Business Trip Glass Slipper and Royal Coach turns back into flip-flops and a pumpkin...