10 Things To Think About As You Graduate...

Hello graduates!  Pomp and circumstance abound on my Facebook newsfeed...graduation time is here!   Middle school, high school, college...besides the caps and gowns, what you all share is the notion that you have "finished" something and are ready for "what's next".  I am so sorry to be the one to tell you that you could not be more wrong. Oh, you've done your reading, writing and arithmetic...but you will never be ready for what's next.  Life is funny that way...

I thought I was prepared for each of those transitions - and I was doing okay there for a while...good student, many friends, love of a great guy, career advancements, babies...and then WHAM.  Autism came into our lives.  Everything changed.  I could write (and have written) several blogs about that, but that's not what this one is about. Below is a list.  I won't call it a list of "rules."  Who am I to tell you what to do?  I WILL tell you that it is full of stuff that I know now that I wish I knew then.  Even though we all know that I would not have listened. There are things in life that can only be learned through personal experience.  I don't expect you to look at this list and get it.  Let's consider it a planting of seeds...food for "future" thought?  If it makes you think, I will consider it a victory...

1. NEVER STOP LEARNING.
Your time in the classroom may be coming to an end, but your education should not be.  The "real world" is the most important classroom you will ever enter.  Your degree may look impressive on the wall, but it doesn't mean what you think it does outside of the academic environment.  Keep an open mind.  Be open to new ideas and opinions.  Know that you do not know it all.  No one does.

2. USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO BE SOCIAL.
Don't use it to be anti-social.  Don't write vague and mysterious posts, silently begging people to ask "WHAT'S WRONG?" No one likes a drama queen. Don't use it as an online battlefield.  Don't post inappropriate photos of yourself in dramatic situations.  Don't use it to mock others.  Be aware of the power that your opinion wields and use it wisely and responsibly.  Use social media as the communication tool it was meant to be.  It should not replace human interaction and conversation.  These things are irreplaceable.

3. SPEND LESS MONEY THAN YOU MAKE.
Sounds simple enough.  But it's easier said than done.  If I had listened to my father and saved just a TINY BIT of the money I made in my 20s, my entire life would be different right now.  I made more money at 27 years old than I do now at 43.  A LOT more.  And I spent it all.  And I regret it tremendously.  I have many regrets, but that is the biggest one.  Understand what it really means to be financially responsible.  If you make a little money, save what you can.  If you make a lot of money, hire someone to help you be smart about it.  Money may not buy happiness, but it can offer freedom and choices that you don't even know you will need in your life.  I learned that the hard way.

4. LEARN TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON.
I am a very opinionated person.  Always have been.  I used to waste a lot of time arguing over ridiculous things.  Just because I had to be right.  I would handle calls from difficult clients at work with stubborn pride and self-righteousness.  I would handle disagreements with others with anger and sarcasm.  My late grandmother used to call these conversations "healthy debates"...but guess what? None of it was worth it.  If I "won" it was a hollow victory at best.  The level of aggravation that I was living with as "that girl" was not only unhealthy, but also unproductive.  I realized several things - 1) it is a waste of time and energy to argue with a stupid person; 2) being RIGHT was not the most important thing in the world; and 3) people are usually willing to compromise and meet you in the middle.  

5. KNOW THAT THERE'S ALWAYS MORE TO THE STORY.
You've probably heard the saying "There are three sides to every story - one side, the other side and the truth." This doesn't mean that either side is lying - it just means that their perception of what went down is different from the other person's.  (Or they are lying. If they are, stay away from them.  Do I really need to tell you that?)  On a larger scale, know that what goes on in this world, whether it be a disagreement between friends or two sides of a global skirmish is rarely black and white.  Grey is a HUGE part of the picture. You may find that you agree or disagree with pieces of both sides.  You may come up with your own independent opinion.  THAT'S OK. Independent thought is such an important and underused trait in the world today. Don't be a sheep.

6. ADMIT - AND OWN - YOUR MISTAKES.
If you screw up, own it.  Don't apologize and then "explain away" the apology.  This is the same as not apologizing at all.  People make mistakes all the time - it's what they do after the mistake that defines their true character.  If you screw something up on the job, take the appropriate steps to correct the wrong and change the way you do things to avoid it happening again.  If you hurt someone you care about, apologize with sincerity.  They will know if you are faking it.

7. BE A COURTEOUS DRIVER.
Don't laugh at this one.  Depending on your chosen career path, there is a good chance that driving to, from and maybe even during work will be a part of your daily routine.  Add to that the driving done outside of work, and realize that a good part of your life is spent behind the wheel of a car.  You will know all too soon that the road is full of assholes.  Don't be one.  They don't need any more members on their team.

8. TAKE A STAND.
Get to know yourself.  That sounds crazy, but most people use others' perceptions and opinions to define themselves and what they stand for. Don't do that!  Figure out who you are, what you stand for, learn all that you can about whatever it is...and then be confident about it.  You get to decide what you believe.  Your opinion matters. Just make sure that you are backing up your convictions with facts.    

9. SCRATCH THE SURFACE.
I wrote about this topic in depth in a previous blog.  In a world of sound bytes, 144-character opinions and hashtag-speak...learn to dig deeper.  Don't take things at face value.  Don't believe everything you read on the internet.  Let me repeat that one - DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET.  The internet is an amazing tool, but it is also a place of innuendo, half-truths and opinion-disguised-as-fact.  Always be aware of what you are reading and where it came from.  It's all part of the process (see #1).

10. GET OVER YOURSELF.
It's not always about you.  It's not always about what you think, feel or want.  While it is important to make yourself a priority (this will mean more if and when you become a parent someday), it is also important to learn how to be there for others - friends, family, co-workers.  If someone in your life is acting out of the ordinary - do you wonder if you did something?  Go over past conversations in your memory? Scan through old texts? Next time, consider the fact that they may just be having a bad day and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AT ALL. Figure out quickly that the world does not revolve around you.  Truly understanding this will help you in all aspects of life.

Well, that's it.  We are done here.  Off you go into that great big world...

Scratch That Surface. Please.

Ok folks - let's call this post a public service announcement of sorts...especially for those of us who spend a good chunk of our lives on all forms of social media and the internet.

I don't want to focus solely on Facebook (though that is the place where most of my WTF sensors go off...), so I will say that the following guidelines apply to all forms of social media where "sharing", "liking", "re-posting" and "commenting" are expected actions and options.  I am asking you for a huge favor...before you do any of the actions that are air-quoted in the prior sentence, please adhere to the following simple rules:

STOP. THINK. RESEARCH AS NEEDED.

Listen, I am all about good conversation - I love a healthy debate, enjoy sharing my opinions and arguing my side of things.  BUT...I also love to learn about new things...and am more than open to changing my opinions on a given topic if what I am "learning" leads me in a new direction.

Case in point - thanks to my countless hours of research on all things autism, I have expanded my horizons dramatically on the topics of medical care, nutrition, neurological science, vaccinations, toxins, gluten, therapies, alternative medicine, insurance, IEPs...the list goes on.  When this journey began, I read everything. I believed everything. I didn't necessarily share everything.  I knew that much of what I was studying was "off the beaten path" and didn't want to be a shit-stirrer.  It wasn't about getting others to believe me - it was just about collecting knowledge to better help my son.

But now that I am a few years in...my feelings have changed.  I believe LESS, but I share MORE. Because I have quickly figured out that you definitely CAN'T believe everything you read.  And the explosion of social media has lead to an epidemic of over-sharing of misinformation...quotes, articles, blogs, photos...people tend to click that SHARE button before determining if they are sharing fact or fiction.  This is infuriating.

Why do I have such strong opinions on this? Hell, why is it any of my business? Well, for those of us that are out here "fighting the fight" in the Wonderful World of Autism, or against GMO food, or for equal rights, or against animal cruelty, or for your chosen political party, or against domestic abuse...or any "cause" that you have decided is worth your time and passion - nothing is more frustrating than witnessing the dissemination of lies, propaganda, exaggerations, and general misinformation about your chosen agenda.


ALL THE NEWS NOT FIT TO PRINT...Here's a news flash for you. Just because it is written on the internet does not make it true.  If you are reading an article and it sounds a little off, a bit hard to believe, maybe a touch hard to swallow...see where it came from.  Determine if you are reading something that is FACT.  There are a rash of satiric websites that exist solely to publish completely false "news" stories, and then the authors sit back in their chairs and LAUGH AT YOU as they watch you share, comment, like and re-post what they have created as if it was "bible".  Here is a short list of sites that are SATIRE. UNTRUE. NOT REAL NEWS.  Read the list, remember the list, and only re-post items from this list if you are doing it knowingly, and letting your peeps KNOW that you know so THEY know...got it? The Onion, Private Eye, Indecision Forever, Newsbiscuit, The Spoof, Sports Pickle, Unconfirmed Sources, CAP News, The Enduring Vision, Derf Magazine, News Mutiny, The Dandy Goat, Premature Eulogies, Not Safe For Home

And then we have Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia and Urban Dictionary - sites like these are almost WORSE than the satiric ones - because they are "user-defined" - any Schmo with a laptop can go on there and write whatever they want - WARNING! THESE SITES ARE NOT ACCURATE! DO NOT QUOTE THEM!

BLOG POSTS - UNBIASED OPINION OR "ON THE BOOKS"?  You may not know this, but there is an entire "business" out there involving fake blog posts.  What is the point of a fake blog post, you ask? How can it be fake if it's someone's blog? They are being paid to write it. Not paid like royalties, paid like briberies.  Still not following? People are paid money to write an "opinion" that someone in corporate America needs to be pushed upon the general public.  There are powerful and wealthy lobbyists for every stance, religion, cause and product in corporate America.  By planting this "propaganda" within an innocent blog post, they are able to forward their agenda unquestioned - because it's just one person's story, right?  Think about what you are reading.  Does it sound genuine? Use your instincts - if you aren't sure, Google the author's name - see what comes up.


WHO SAID THAT?  The quotes.  Oh, the quotes.  You may not realize this, but the majority of the "celebrity" quotes out there in the online universe were never actually spoken by those getting the credit. Case in point...our dear friend Marilyn Monroe.  If you were to use the internet as your judge, that woman was a goddamn genius.  This is false. There is no actual proof that she muttered ANY of the quotes that are regularly and repeatedly attributed to her.  In fact, her life and experiences tend to dispute most of those quotes.  But people see her face...and SHARE SHARE SHARE...hey, she was a beautiful and powerful woman that (many) men adored...isn't that enough? She needs to be a brainiac too? Marilyn is not alone - this also stands true for Audrey Hepburn, Jackie Kennedy...let's all stop putting words into their mouths please...Here's a great blog on this very topic...

Of course, you have the option of ignoring everything that I said here and going on in your little world of sharing everything under the sun...but you would be doing yourself a disservice.  Realize the impact of your opinions - yes, when you are sharing something, liking something or commenting favorably on something, you are forming an opinion. You are endorsing it.  You are lending it credibility. This is a powerful tool and should be respected accordingly.

Now...SHARE THIS POST!

(Only kidding...totally optional)