10 Things To Think About As You Graduate...

Hello graduates!  Pomp and circumstance abound on my Facebook newsfeed...graduation time is here!   Middle school, high school, college...besides the caps and gowns, what you all share is the notion that you have "finished" something and are ready for "what's next".  I am so sorry to be the one to tell you that you could not be more wrong. Oh, you've done your reading, writing and arithmetic...but you will never be ready for what's next.  Life is funny that way...

I thought I was prepared for each of those transitions - and I was doing okay there for a while...good student, many friends, love of a great guy, career advancements, babies...and then WHAM.  Autism came into our lives.  Everything changed.  I could write (and have written) several blogs about that, but that's not what this one is about. Below is a list.  I won't call it a list of "rules."  Who am I to tell you what to do?  I WILL tell you that it is full of stuff that I know now that I wish I knew then.  Even though we all know that I would not have listened. There are things in life that can only be learned through personal experience.  I don't expect you to look at this list and get it.  Let's consider it a planting of seeds...food for "future" thought?  If it makes you think, I will consider it a victory...

1. NEVER STOP LEARNING.
Your time in the classroom may be coming to an end, but your education should not be.  The "real world" is the most important classroom you will ever enter.  Your degree may look impressive on the wall, but it doesn't mean what you think it does outside of the academic environment.  Keep an open mind.  Be open to new ideas and opinions.  Know that you do not know it all.  No one does.

2. USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO BE SOCIAL.
Don't use it to be anti-social.  Don't write vague and mysterious posts, silently begging people to ask "WHAT'S WRONG?" No one likes a drama queen. Don't use it as an online battlefield.  Don't post inappropriate photos of yourself in dramatic situations.  Don't use it to mock others.  Be aware of the power that your opinion wields and use it wisely and responsibly.  Use social media as the communication tool it was meant to be.  It should not replace human interaction and conversation.  These things are irreplaceable.

3. SPEND LESS MONEY THAN YOU MAKE.
Sounds simple enough.  But it's easier said than done.  If I had listened to my father and saved just a TINY BIT of the money I made in my 20s, my entire life would be different right now.  I made more money at 27 years old than I do now at 43.  A LOT more.  And I spent it all.  And I regret it tremendously.  I have many regrets, but that is the biggest one.  Understand what it really means to be financially responsible.  If you make a little money, save what you can.  If you make a lot of money, hire someone to help you be smart about it.  Money may not buy happiness, but it can offer freedom and choices that you don't even know you will need in your life.  I learned that the hard way.

4. LEARN TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON.
I am a very opinionated person.  Always have been.  I used to waste a lot of time arguing over ridiculous things.  Just because I had to be right.  I would handle calls from difficult clients at work with stubborn pride and self-righteousness.  I would handle disagreements with others with anger and sarcasm.  My late grandmother used to call these conversations "healthy debates"...but guess what? None of it was worth it.  If I "won" it was a hollow victory at best.  The level of aggravation that I was living with as "that girl" was not only unhealthy, but also unproductive.  I realized several things - 1) it is a waste of time and energy to argue with a stupid person; 2) being RIGHT was not the most important thing in the world; and 3) people are usually willing to compromise and meet you in the middle.  

5. KNOW THAT THERE'S ALWAYS MORE TO THE STORY.
You've probably heard the saying "There are three sides to every story - one side, the other side and the truth." This doesn't mean that either side is lying - it just means that their perception of what went down is different from the other person's.  (Or they are lying. If they are, stay away from them.  Do I really need to tell you that?)  On a larger scale, know that what goes on in this world, whether it be a disagreement between friends or two sides of a global skirmish is rarely black and white.  Grey is a HUGE part of the picture. You may find that you agree or disagree with pieces of both sides.  You may come up with your own independent opinion.  THAT'S OK. Independent thought is such an important and underused trait in the world today. Don't be a sheep.

6. ADMIT - AND OWN - YOUR MISTAKES.
If you screw up, own it.  Don't apologize and then "explain away" the apology.  This is the same as not apologizing at all.  People make mistakes all the time - it's what they do after the mistake that defines their true character.  If you screw something up on the job, take the appropriate steps to correct the wrong and change the way you do things to avoid it happening again.  If you hurt someone you care about, apologize with sincerity.  They will know if you are faking it.

7. BE A COURTEOUS DRIVER.
Don't laugh at this one.  Depending on your chosen career path, there is a good chance that driving to, from and maybe even during work will be a part of your daily routine.  Add to that the driving done outside of work, and realize that a good part of your life is spent behind the wheel of a car.  You will know all too soon that the road is full of assholes.  Don't be one.  They don't need any more members on their team.

8. TAKE A STAND.
Get to know yourself.  That sounds crazy, but most people use others' perceptions and opinions to define themselves and what they stand for. Don't do that!  Figure out who you are, what you stand for, learn all that you can about whatever it is...and then be confident about it.  You get to decide what you believe.  Your opinion matters. Just make sure that you are backing up your convictions with facts.    

9. SCRATCH THE SURFACE.
I wrote about this topic in depth in a previous blog.  In a world of sound bytes, 144-character opinions and hashtag-speak...learn to dig deeper.  Don't take things at face value.  Don't believe everything you read on the internet.  Let me repeat that one - DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET.  The internet is an amazing tool, but it is also a place of innuendo, half-truths and opinion-disguised-as-fact.  Always be aware of what you are reading and where it came from.  It's all part of the process (see #1).

10. GET OVER YOURSELF.
It's not always about you.  It's not always about what you think, feel or want.  While it is important to make yourself a priority (this will mean more if and when you become a parent someday), it is also important to learn how to be there for others - friends, family, co-workers.  If someone in your life is acting out of the ordinary - do you wonder if you did something?  Go over past conversations in your memory? Scan through old texts? Next time, consider the fact that they may just be having a bad day and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AT ALL. Figure out quickly that the world does not revolve around you.  Truly understanding this will help you in all aspects of life.

Well, that's it.  We are done here.  Off you go into that great big world...

Ahead Of The Game?

When my teenage son was 8 years old, he once walked into the bathroom with his iPod on his head blaring so loud that I could clearly hear the music myself. The unmistakable notes of Green Day were causing a very perplexed look on his face.

“Mom, do you think that by the time I am old enough to drink beer that Green Day will still be doing concerts?” he asked, seriously enough that I knew that he was truly concerned about this and not just trying to aggravate me (which he is getting amazingly proficient at as he gets older).

“I don’t know, Evan - I guess they might still be around - why do you want to drink beer at a concert?”

“Duh, Mom…grown-ups always drink at concerts and parties!” he walked away, shaking his head in disbelief that I could ask such a ridiculous question.

I try to remember if I had that level of thought process when I was his age. All I can remember about being eight is a rainbow-colored blur of friendship pins and macramé  potholders that I made at summer camp. Did I think about drinking beer? Did I listen to music like Green Day? My earliest memories of my boom box were holding it up to the television on Tuesday nights to tape the opening theme song to Joanie Loves Chachi…static city, but I listened to it over and over again…

I have come to the conclusion that my son has probably always been a good 5-7 years ahead of where I was at his age with regard to wanting to do “grown-up” stuff. How did this happen? Should I blame the media? Society? Am I to blame? Is it a bad thing?

Cut to 5 years later – my daughter started using her index finger to “swipe” the photos on my iPhone at 10 months old.  Yes, that says 10 months old.  My father turned on his digital picture frame to show her a slideshow a few weeks ago and she immediately held up her finger to “swipe” to the next picture…she also swipes pictures that are on the refrigerator…I am positive that this will lead to some sort of major issue as she gets older – just haven’t figured out what it is yet!  Will all of our kids develop carpel tunnel syndrome at 7 years old from too much swiping, typing and tapping??

My main concern with technology and how our kids are growing up in the age of it is that they will not learn how to communicate like regular humans.  They can type 100 (abbreviated, grammar-deficient) words a minute with their fat little thumbs, but will they know how to look someone in the eye and make a personal connection? How will this affect their ability to speak in public?  Their career paths?  Their personal relationships?  Will I go down to my basement in a few years and find my son sitting on one couch and his girlfriend on the other couch, as they frantically type back and forth to each other??? 

On the flip side, this “relationship by text” and “communicate through Facebook status” world we live in has also lead to some bravado that would not be the norm if people actually had to say these things face-to-face.  It’s much easier to type tough than it is to talk it!  Don’t even get me started on the forums and chat rooms where people hide their big mouths behind a fake name…phony and shameful to not put your name on your own words…eliminates your credibility completely.

Of course, the greatest irony in our home is that I am desperately HOPING that my son Luke will be able to communicate with these same technologies…being that he is non-verbal, swiping and tapping screens are the only chances we have right now that he will ever learn to tell us what he is thinking…so I guess we have to take the good in these advances with the bad.

How do we keep our kids from getting lost on the “dark” side of technology?  And for the love of God…how do I keep myself from having to call one of my children to work my television some day?

These are the questions that keep me up at night…well, that and also the fact that I sleep with an iPhone and a Kindle poking me in the sides…