Peter J. Punzo...April 6, 1970 - March 17, 2016

Our Friend PJ

Yesterday, our friend PJ was laid to rest. I had the privilege of speaking about him at the repast...and I wanted to share that speech with those who knew him and were unable to be there.   

It was Abraham Lincoln who once said “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” I have never known, and I can’t imagine that I will ever know, a person who more perfectly embodies that sentiment than PJ.

I first met PJ in 1984 during our freshman year at Saddle Brook High School – we ran against each other for Class President in the first weeks of school. I heard about him before I met him. One afternoon I was standing in the hallway, and I said to a few of my friends “Who is this Peter Punzo kid?” and I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and he said “I am Peter Punzo and I am going to kick your ass in this election.” He was shorter than me – such a scrawny little thing – but he clearly had the confidence of a man three times his size. I went on to beat him by 67 votes – and so began over 30 years of us driving each other crazy.  I didn’t know that day…I COULDN’T have known that day…that he would become my husband’s best friend...that he would be the Best Man at our wedding…that he would be Uncle PJ to our three kids.

"Shiny clothes" - Best Dressed - Class of 1988 

But even in our high school days, it became obvious to all of us that he was cut from a different cloth. He was like a 40-year old man stuck inside a 16-year old body (this was back when we thought 40 was old, of course). He favored shiny clothes and wore big jewels. He talked about wanting a Cadillac when the rest of us were driving Camaros and Mustangs.  He drank liquor from a glass when the other guys drank beer from a bottle. He hunted and fished while the rest of them played sports. And even though my husband, and all of the other guys in their circle didn’t share his passion for outdoor activities or the finer things in life, they still saw what was beneath all of that – a guy with an amazing sense of humor and a really big heart. He was simply their friend.

Since Thursday, we have all heard the same comments - “he was one of a kind” – “he was a real character” – “there was no one else like PJ” – “he was a crazy sonofabitch” - whether people knew him a little or a lot – the sentiment is always the same.  The world has lost a unique and special person.

Our Best Man being a goof during pictures

PJ was so many different things to such a variety of people.  He was a son, a little brother, the cool uncle, a hunting companion, a poker buddy, a co-worker, a friend. He was “UNCLE PJ” not only to his actual nieces and nephews, who he loved so, so much - but to many other kids, including my three. He taught my oldest inappropriate songs and encouraged him to bust our chops whenever possible – but he also bought him his first real BB gun and gave him a lesson and a lecture about how to use it responsibly. He spoiled all of our kids at Christmas and on their birthdays and took great pride in walking in with the biggest box and seeing them smile.  So many children were blessed to have an Uncle PJ in their lives.    

He was a jokester, a buster, a prankster. Not your run-of-the-mill type pranks, he planned elaborate schemes that took time, effort and patience. His victims never knew WHEN it was coming, but he would drop just enough clues to scare you and keep you on the edge. My husband was a recurring victim (and sometimes co-conspirator) – but he was not alone. I am sure there are many with a story or two to share.

He was a gambler. And it didn’t matter if it was an Atlantic City casino, a smoky poker game at a friend’s house or a Bingo Hall – if it involved betting, he was in.  If he won $10 or $10,000, the joy he felt was the same. He got a thrill out of the game, no matter what the stakes were. 

"Officer" Punzo

PJ never met a deal he didn’t take. No, I’m not talking about cards anymore. I’m talking about bargains, discounts, buy one get one frees…I never once stopped at his house without him sharing his latest “steals” with me – “Look at this – I got this for 50% off – you can’t beat that!” And many times, it was not even something he needed in his life…he would give the stuff away. It was closing the deal that made him happy.   

With his faithful companion Dusty...

He kept a virtual petting zoo in his backyard…his love for animals was on par with his love for expensive cologne and fancy cigarette lighters. Some of his pets even made the papers…Holly the Deer was practically a celebrity here in town. He also lent his animals to town events like the annual Easter Egg Hunt, which he helped organize for many years as a member of Saddle Brook’s Community Projects and Activities Committee. In fact, they held that event this past Saturday. As I stood in line with my daughter for the Easter Bunny, the woman behind me said “I liked it better when they used to have the animals and the petting zoo…” and I smiled to myself, knowing that PJ was the one that always made that happen.    

He loved to laugh. I know he shared my husband’s obsession with The Odd Couple and The Honeymooners…they would quote them in conversation regularly. Even more than himself, he liked to make others laugh. He embraced the fact that he was larger than life and that he had people thinking “What will PJ do next?”  He wore the craziest costume to the party and the most colorful suit to the wedding.

The "Cross-Dress" Party - is that PJ or Joan Rivers?

Years from now, if you were to ask me what I remembered most about PJ – I could bring up the funny stories, remember the laughs, and tell you that he was a trusted and loyal friend of my husband’s and my own friendly nemesis…but those things are really about us. What I will remember most about HIM is that he lived life on his own terms. Diagnosed with diabetes in his early 20s, he made a decision right away that he was going to live the life he wanted to live, regardless of any diagnosis. He never apologized for that – he never swayed from his own convictions - he lived a life without regrets. And there are not too many people that can say that at the end of the day.

We will miss him. We will miss his humor, but more than that we will miss his heart. He is gone in body, but his spirit remains. He left his mark on all of us…and it’s impossible to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.   

Thank you for being a good friend to my husband for over 30 years.