10 Things To Think About As You Graduate...

Hello graduates!  Pomp and circumstance abound on my Facebook newsfeed...graduation time is here!   Middle school, high school, college...besides the caps and gowns, what you all share is the notion that you have "finished" something and are ready for "what's next".  I am so sorry to be the one to tell you that you could not be more wrong. Oh, you've done your reading, writing and arithmetic...but you will never be ready for what's next.  Life is funny that way...

I thought I was prepared for each of those transitions - and I was doing okay there for a while...good student, many friends, love of a great guy, career advancements, babies...and then WHAM.  Autism came into our lives.  Everything changed.  I could write (and have written) several blogs about that, but that's not what this one is about. Below is a list.  I won't call it a list of "rules."  Who am I to tell you what to do?  I WILL tell you that it is full of stuff that I know now that I wish I knew then.  Even though we all know that I would not have listened. There are things in life that can only be learned through personal experience.  I don't expect you to look at this list and get it.  Let's consider it a planting of seeds...food for "future" thought?  If it makes you think, I will consider it a victory...

1. NEVER STOP LEARNING.
Your time in the classroom may be coming to an end, but your education should not be.  The "real world" is the most important classroom you will ever enter.  Your degree may look impressive on the wall, but it doesn't mean what you think it does outside of the academic environment.  Keep an open mind.  Be open to new ideas and opinions.  Know that you do not know it all.  No one does.

2. USE SOCIAL MEDIA TO BE SOCIAL.
Don't use it to be anti-social.  Don't write vague and mysterious posts, silently begging people to ask "WHAT'S WRONG?" No one likes a drama queen. Don't use it as an online battlefield.  Don't post inappropriate photos of yourself in dramatic situations.  Don't use it to mock others.  Be aware of the power that your opinion wields and use it wisely and responsibly.  Use social media as the communication tool it was meant to be.  It should not replace human interaction and conversation.  These things are irreplaceable.

3. SPEND LESS MONEY THAN YOU MAKE.
Sounds simple enough.  But it's easier said than done.  If I had listened to my father and saved just a TINY BIT of the money I made in my 20s, my entire life would be different right now.  I made more money at 27 years old than I do now at 43.  A LOT more.  And I spent it all.  And I regret it tremendously.  I have many regrets, but that is the biggest one.  Understand what it really means to be financially responsible.  If you make a little money, save what you can.  If you make a lot of money, hire someone to help you be smart about it.  Money may not buy happiness, but it can offer freedom and choices that you don't even know you will need in your life.  I learned that the hard way.

4. LEARN TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON.
I am a very opinionated person.  Always have been.  I used to waste a lot of time arguing over ridiculous things.  Just because I had to be right.  I would handle calls from difficult clients at work with stubborn pride and self-righteousness.  I would handle disagreements with others with anger and sarcasm.  My late grandmother used to call these conversations "healthy debates"...but guess what? None of it was worth it.  If I "won" it was a hollow victory at best.  The level of aggravation that I was living with as "that girl" was not only unhealthy, but also unproductive.  I realized several things - 1) it is a waste of time and energy to argue with a stupid person; 2) being RIGHT was not the most important thing in the world; and 3) people are usually willing to compromise and meet you in the middle.  

5. KNOW THAT THERE'S ALWAYS MORE TO THE STORY.
You've probably heard the saying "There are three sides to every story - one side, the other side and the truth." This doesn't mean that either side is lying - it just means that their perception of what went down is different from the other person's.  (Or they are lying. If they are, stay away from them.  Do I really need to tell you that?)  On a larger scale, know that what goes on in this world, whether it be a disagreement between friends or two sides of a global skirmish is rarely black and white.  Grey is a HUGE part of the picture. You may find that you agree or disagree with pieces of both sides.  You may come up with your own independent opinion.  THAT'S OK. Independent thought is such an important and underused trait in the world today. Don't be a sheep.

6. ADMIT - AND OWN - YOUR MISTAKES.
If you screw up, own it.  Don't apologize and then "explain away" the apology.  This is the same as not apologizing at all.  People make mistakes all the time - it's what they do after the mistake that defines their true character.  If you screw something up on the job, take the appropriate steps to correct the wrong and change the way you do things to avoid it happening again.  If you hurt someone you care about, apologize with sincerity.  They will know if you are faking it.

7. BE A COURTEOUS DRIVER.
Don't laugh at this one.  Depending on your chosen career path, there is a good chance that driving to, from and maybe even during work will be a part of your daily routine.  Add to that the driving done outside of work, and realize that a good part of your life is spent behind the wheel of a car.  You will know all too soon that the road is full of assholes.  Don't be one.  They don't need any more members on their team.

8. TAKE A STAND.
Get to know yourself.  That sounds crazy, but most people use others' perceptions and opinions to define themselves and what they stand for. Don't do that!  Figure out who you are, what you stand for, learn all that you can about whatever it is...and then be confident about it.  You get to decide what you believe.  Your opinion matters. Just make sure that you are backing up your convictions with facts.    

9. SCRATCH THE SURFACE.
I wrote about this topic in depth in a previous blog.  In a world of sound bytes, 144-character opinions and hashtag-speak...learn to dig deeper.  Don't take things at face value.  Don't believe everything you read on the internet.  Let me repeat that one - DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET.  The internet is an amazing tool, but it is also a place of innuendo, half-truths and opinion-disguised-as-fact.  Always be aware of what you are reading and where it came from.  It's all part of the process (see #1).

10. GET OVER YOURSELF.
It's not always about you.  It's not always about what you think, feel or want.  While it is important to make yourself a priority (this will mean more if and when you become a parent someday), it is also important to learn how to be there for others - friends, family, co-workers.  If someone in your life is acting out of the ordinary - do you wonder if you did something?  Go over past conversations in your memory? Scan through old texts? Next time, consider the fact that they may just be having a bad day and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AT ALL. Figure out quickly that the world does not revolve around you.  Truly understanding this will help you in all aspects of life.

Well, that's it.  We are done here.  Off you go into that great big world...

Unity In The Community...

"United we stand, divided we fall.  Let us not split into factions which must destroy that union upon which our existence hangs..."  Patrick Henry

Now that April is over, I am doing my annual "BIG EXHALE" and reflecting on how I am feeling about autism this year.  It occurred to me this week that I am sort of like a "veteran" now in this whole autism thing. Not because my son is almost nine years old and has been on this journey for seven years.  If we are breaking down time, I spent at least the first three years in a state of numb disbelief, getting through the todays by not thinking about the tomorrows and smoking many packs of cigarettes.  When I did eventually shake it off and put on my big girl pants (which were literally quite big as I was also consuming many cookies with those cigarettes), I focused mainly on my boy - what went on between the walls of our home, and at his school.  I had a hard time reading materials on autism - even the inspirational stuff.  ESPECIALLY the inspirational stuff.  It just pissed me off.  Even though the panties were on, the brain was still lingering over there in the "poor, pitiful me" section of the arena.

I guess it was really just about two years ago that I started to read.  And then I went to town.  I read it all - anything I could find.  I started to realize the true enormity of what is going on here.  I figured out that my Luke is only but a blip on the autism radar.

The result of that research is that at this time, I feel confident and comfortable making the following statement about my child's autism and what I believe to be the cause/reason/why/story of what the hell is going on around here:

I believe that my son's autism is a result of toxic overload, including, but not limited to toxins resulting from the environment, the air we breathe, the products we clean with, the food we eat, the vaccines we inject, the medicines we take, the carpets we walk on, the water we drink.  I believe that it is a man-made affliction, and not a random genetic quirk.  I believe this as a result of research, and not because it's what I WANT or NEED to be true.  

One very important thing I want you to notice in the statement above:

It says MY SON'S autism.  It says this because I do not for one second believe that all of these kids have the same thing.

My belief is that this "spectrum" word that gets thrown around is actually an all-encompassing toxic tundra of illness - autism, ADHD, asthma, allergies, autoimmune diseases...and taking it a step further, I also believe that a large number of cancers are also taking up some space with us here as well.

Yup - I said that.  I don't think they all have the same thing.  I don't mean that they are all "different" or "fall on different parts of the spectrum"...I mean that they should be diagnosed with different things.

See, according to the "professionals", autism is not a medical thing.  Again, those that know me may not realize this because I have called it medical for years now.  But the party line according to "the powers that be" is that autism is a neurological disorder.  This means that any and all bizarre medical side effects are considered to be just that - EFFECTS of the neurological disorder.  Starts with the brain.  Go see a neurologist.  Blood work doesn't matter.  Diet?  We don't need no stinking diets!

But there is much evidence to the contrary.  Evidence that says that it starts with the body, or more specifically, the gut.  And that a damaged gut can lead to a MYRIAD of physical problems, as well as altered neurological behaviors, many of which resemble the typical actions and mannerisms of autism.

What if it's BOTH?  What is there is a condition that we will (for the sake of this discussion) call "typical autism" - a neurological condition with minimal physical side effects, multiple social and communication challenges, sensory issues, etc.  BUT - what if there is ANOTHER condition (hmmmm...let's call it "toxic autism" - again, for the sake of the discussion) - and THIS version starts with the gut - an intestinal system ravaged by toxins in all forms, not able to successfully process the overload...leading to a myriad of physical and neurological effects.

I am not crazy.  This makes sense.  Think about the autism community.

There is a large segment of the autism community that do not want a cure.  In fact, they are horribly offended that one would even refer to autism as a problem to be fixed rather than just a part of who they are. They rally against Autism Speaks and similar groups, with signs reading "You don't SPEAK for us!"

And I get it.  I really do.  I respect that you are an individual, aware of your own challenges, working hard every day to find your place in this world.  I respect your right to live your life and treat your autism as merely an identifiable piece of who you are.  In fact, I applaud you for that.  And you deserve all of the programs, devices, systems and supports available to aid you in fulfilling your potential as a high-functioning individual on the spectrum.

BUT - and stay with me here - that is not my son's life.  My son's life is limited. And difficult.  We do not use the word "blessing" when we speak of autism in our home.  He is non-verbal. He wears diapers. He spends his days running, jumping, stimming...we spend our days watching, corralling, protecting...he will most likely need to be taken care of for the rest of his life. And you want me to just accept that? Not on your life.  

Does he smile? Yes. Does he like to be tickled? Oh yeah. Do I believe he has feelings for us? With all of my heart. Do I value him as a human being and consider myself blessed that he was born? Absolutely.  Do I love him?  With every inch of my heart and soul.

But do I think that his autism is just a challenging little piece of him that we should learn to embrace?

NO. JUST NO.

Why have we not entertained the notion that this spectrum is not really what we think it is?  That all of the various degrees of "autism" may not BE the same thing?  Since "no one knows" why autism is happening in the increased numbers that it is, should we not consider the fact that we have it all wrong?

Think about it - what if the rightfully proud, socially-challenged, high-functioning ASD or Aspie kid does not have the same thing as my child, or the millions of children like him?  It stands to reason that this "group" would require a completely different set of services than someone like my son, don't you think?  And yet here we all are, fighting against each other over what we should be fighting for instead of considering the notion that we may just have it all wrong.

The ridiculous in-fighting within our own community is only serving to delay progress for all of us.  We can't even agree on the basic premise of exactly what it is we all need or want, and this may not even be our own fault.  This needs to change if we ever expect progress of any kind.

In the interest of the greater good, I will continue to support any and all groups, factions, theories, programs and what have you when it comes to autism - because until we know with absolute 100% certainty what the HELL is going on here, NO ONE has the right to discount any part of this discussion.  If that offends the high-functioning segment of our community, that's just too damn bad.  Autism is not just yours.  You do not get to determine what it is and what it isn't just because you have your own voice.  You can decide not to support a specific group if you like, but maybe instead of creating a split within ourselves we can all wake up and realize that it's not low-functioning against high-functioning - it's autism against the world.

We stand together - or we fall apart.  

1 in 68...Are Still Waiting...

WARNING:  Mama is not happy today.  Sarcasm and anger to follow...I am far past the point of gratuitous sugar-coating when it comes to all things autism people...deal with it.

Today the CDC released the latest statistics on autism prevalence in our country.

1 in 68.  ONE out of every SIXTY EIGHT children in this country has an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). This is a 30% increase over the previous statistic of 1 in 88.  Oh, you remember 1 in 88...you know, the report from TWO YEARS AGO.  Yup, you read that right - 30% increase in just two years. 1 in 88 is just SO yesterday!

Here's something you may not be aware of - this study is done every two years on a sampling of children that are eight years old.  Though it is currently the year 2014, this is the 2010 statistic (four years to tally the numbers I guess?) This means that the 1 in 68 statistic applies to children that were born in the year 2002. Twelve years ago.  My son, and all of my other autism mama friends' kids were not even born yet.  Gee, I wonder what the number will be for Luke's year? At this rate, it will be 1 out of 2 for the year my daughter was born! I'm not really joking.

New Jersey is one of the 11 states used in the national analysis.  Ready for this one?

1 in 45 children in New Jersey has an ASD.  1 in 21 boys.

ONE OUT OF EVERY TWENTY ONE BOYS BORN IN THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY IN THE YEAR 2002 IS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM.

Yes, I am aware that caps signify yelling.  I AM YELLING PEOPLE.

For those of you that are not grasping the reality of these numbers (or if you just suck at math), let me throw a little comparison out there for you...there are more children with an ASD than are affected by diabetes, AIDS, cancer, cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy or Down syndrome – combined.

COMBINED. As in, all of them together.  The fact that each of these INDIVIDUALLY receives more government funding than autism does is a topic for another (angrier, sarcasmier) blog post.  But here's a little visual on that interesting situation from a few years ago taken from our good friends over at TACA (Talk About Curing Autism)...

And yet, the CDC continues to downplay the statistics.  They refuse to label this as an EPIDEMIC, or give it the national attention it deserves as a PRIORITY to be investigated and FIXED.  Did you know that they gave trampoline injuries a status of "epidemic" based on 1,200 children getting hurt in 1996? Hmmmm...now let's think about that.  Who suffers when a child is hurt on a trampoline? No, BESIDES the child silly!  They don't give a rat's ass about Timmy's busted arm! But you know who DOES pay? Literally?  Home insurance companies.  What? You didn't know that? Oh yes, home insurance companies can deny you coverage if you have a trampoline in your backyard.  I am going to venture a guess that the "epidemic" label helped the insurance companies push that sucker right on through.

You know who else can't be sued? Vaccine manufacturers.  What do I mean?  Well, it's really quite simple. In 1986, the Vaccine Protection Act was passed - hey, that sounds like it would be protecting us from vaccines? What's wrong with that?  Jump back sister...the only thing this act is protecting is the MANUFACTURERS of the vaccines. As of 1986, these "big pharma" hotshots could make anything to be jammed into our kids, and were given indemnification from legal action in any case of a negative reaction, whether it was a rash or death.  And then THIS happened...

Insurance companies...Big Pharma...wait a minute...this sounds like it has something to do with MONEY? Nah, that CAN'T be true!  

My son was diagnosed in the year 2007.  In one of the more twisted ironies of my life, that anniversary falls right around the same time as WORLD AUTISM AWARENESS DAY! (I could not possibly be more aware...trust me).  In the past seven years, I have heard TONS about what does NOT cause autism.  It's NOT the vaccines, it's NOT the environment, it's NOT medications, it's NOT the air in New Jersey (1 in 21 = 3 times the national average...hmmmmm), it's NOT GMOs or PRESERVATIVES in our food...

Can we please STOP talking about what is NOT causing it - and START figuring out what IS causing it?

Check the air, check the food, check the cleaning products, check the water, check the medicines, and YES - CHECK THE VACCINES - check them all - completely and thoroughly and figure out what the hell is going on before we lose another generation of children.  Enough is enough.

I want to finish this post by saying something that I don't normally say.  I don't feel the need to scare people - I have always gone by the assumption that parenting is an individual and personal journey for everyone, and unless someone ASKS me for an opinion on this stuff, I keep the gloom and doom to myself.  Well, I have changed my mind.  I am publicly stating that ALL NEW PARENTS or PARENTS-TO-BE need to be aware that this is happening.  It is scary.  But it is on you to be aware, to do the research, to trust doctors, but to QUESTION them when your gut is telling you to.  To read food labels. To limit your child's intake of acetaminophen, antibiotics or other medications when they are not truly necessary.  Take whatever precautions you can in your home to create a "clean" environment...because they DO NOT KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING.  It could be all of that, it could be none of that, it could be a bizarre combination of several of these things...BUT WE DON'T KNOW.

This is not just a problem for families touched by autism.  This is everyone's problem.  Those that know my son may think that they are off the hook (dodged a bullet so-to-speak?) as he is the ONE in 68 in your world...but every two years that number is going up...and even if your kids are spared...do something about this today that may help other peoples' children...or your future grandchildren...go back to the top and read those stats again...what do you think they will be when your kids are having their own children?

Please get angry.  And then go to this website and share that anger:
Click here to contact our elected officials

For two years our autism community has used the mantra "1 in 88 can't wait..."

Well, now it's 1 in 68...and they are still waiting.

Oscars 2014...Alright, Alright, Alright!

CANDI'S OSCARS 2014 RECAP...

Welcome to the 7th Annual Oscars Fashion Recap...we have taken this puppy from email to Facebook to Blogger, Twitter and beyond...thanks for stopping by!

What can I say?  I've seen better, I've seen worse - that goes for the show itself as well as the fashions.  It continues to be a trying time in fashion over there in Hollywood.  There is no discernible style that I can see. In a word, I would have to say SAFE is the best way to describe the current trend.  Not many risk-takers, and the ones that do often get rapped across the knuckles for stepping out of the box!  But as always, the night had its moments...so let's get to it!

The ABC Red Carpet Special - Robin Roberts is always a class act...BUT how do you NOT have style guru Clinton Kelly from The Chew doing fashion commentary over that himbo Tyson Beckford? The man called Julia Roberts JESSICA. Nuff said.  You are not invited back. Leave the microphone at the door on your way out please. Buh-bye.

The E! Red Carpet Special - Broken record here - I'll use one of Kelly's favorite words - "This group is completely and utterly boring."  Kelly, Ross and Giuliana - all morons who bring nothing to the table other than vapid useless gushing. Still in need of a thesaurus.  And the "special" guests are a joke.  The only special guest this group needs is Joan Rivers - know why? Because this gang is like Randy Jackson mixed with Paula Abdul and sprinkled with happy fairy dust. THEY LOVE EVERYONE.  EVERYONE LOOKS INCREDIBLE.  I can't.  And note to E! - if you are going to have Ryan Seacrest in the money spot, get that boy a platform or something - he just looks positively miniscule interviewing all of these strapping actors and amazon actresses that dwarf him.  No bueno.

RED CARPET SPOTLIGHT:

Click here to view the now Annual "Jennifer Lawrence Falling At The Oscars"

ON WITH THE SHOW...

Aaaaahhhh Ellen - always a fun time - and she didn't disappoint - love her out and about in the audience throwing them all off guard...she really has the perfect shtick for the Oscars - funny, but not condescending...she is safe...just as a host should be...the Awards and the nominees (well, the dresses too) should be the STARS of the show. The pizza bit was genius.  And mad props to the stars that actually ATE pizza while in their Oscar finest.


My Personal Highlight - On a night packed with amazing musical
performances (Pharrell, Idina, Bette, U2 - all amazing), my standout moment was PINK singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow during The Wizard of Oz tribute.
A Side Note About Me:  Only a few know this about me (my sister is giggling right now), but I am PETRIFIED of The Wizard of Oz.   I have not watched it since I was a child due to chronic nightmares (those frigging monkeys).  After seeing Wicked on Broadway this year and now this, maybe I can attempt to tackle my Oz-o-phobia (well, probably not).

Matthew McConaughey & The Cat Lady...Oh no.  What a shame.  One can only hope that they dragged Kim Novak out to serve as a cautionary tale to all of the younger actresses in the audience not to take botox and plastic surgery too far...YIKES.  I know she is 81 years old, but really.  Can we all just agree that the Academy is not doing any justice to these "legends" (I am speaking about you too Mr. Poitier) by sending them out on stage and giving them the Dick Clark treatment?  They can barely see the damn TelePrompter!  You want to honor them?  Show some FABULOUS clips of them on film in their heyday and then shine a light on them standing to wave as they receive the appropriate standing ovation.  OK - stepping down from soapbox now.

And then THIS happened.

Ex-squeeze me? Baking Powder?  (YES! Wayne's World reference opportunity!)
Ummmmm...really John?  REALLY?  ADELE DAZEEM? Who in God's name is that? Did you even READ the script?  Have you heard of the woman Mr. Musical-lover? Did you skip rehearsals? You don't get a pass on this.  On a night when presenters strung together multiple ethnically-tinged monikers, you blow one name? You sir, just like Mr. Beckford, are banned.  Leave the stage, and do not return unless it is to dance.  No talking.

The Superstar Selfie That Broke Twitter  #genius

AND THE WINNERS WERE...

This was a night the oddsmakers dream of...all four acting awards seemed to be pre-determined...but the surprising part was that THREE of these winners made AMAZING and HEARTFELT speeches that will be remembered for years to come...the "newbie" joy of Lupita as she recognized that her happiness was inevitably tied to the miseries suffered by her ancestors, Jared showing maturity in honoring his brave single mom, Matthew the family man getting philosophical in a good way...I cried three times.  Who left me dry? Cate Blanchett - methinks she is a little condescending - I believe that #suckitjulia was supposed to be an inside joke between them - but it's not usually a good call to bust out inside jokes in front of a billion people.  She forgot to mention DAME Judi Dench in her "mentioning the other nominees so I look appreciative" paragraph and I am pretty sure that she bashed the length of Gravity (and indirectly the film itself) while "appreciating" Sandra Bullock. Kind of ironic that Cate was the one of the four to NOT display class, humility and pure joy.  Hmmmmm...

And I don't really understand the new trend in "splitting" the Best Director and Best Picture Awards.  Seems to be that you can't really have one without the other...two amazing movies...I guess it's just a "share the wealth" thing.  Still strange.

OK - enough about the stupid awards...let's talk fashion!

Kerry Washington - Jason Wu
Grecian Grey Perfection! Way to embrace the BUMP mama! You may be a TV girl, but you shine on that red carpet like the brightest film star! Yes, I have a total GIRL CRUSH on her. Can't lie. But still one of my faves of the night - the dress, the hair, the make-up...the way she ate PIZZA in the audience...LOVE HER!

Sandra Bullock - Alexander McQueen
You nailed it Sandy!  I have been rough on you in past years - if it wasn't the dress, it was the hair, or the weird lipstick choice. But this is a home run.  Dress is stunning, fits like a glove and I am OBSESSED with your MOVIE-STAR hair! It's just a shame that you didn't get up on that stage to REALLY show it off.  At least we got to see you all 742 times that Gravity won a technical award.  Nice job!

Charlize Theron - Christian Dior Couture
Yowza...that is how you wear a black dress.  Those of you that have read this blog in the past know my rules on black dresses...if you are not the agent or the publicist, it's a no-no. If it MUST happen, then it has to be BIG. Like over-the-top HUGE. This dress fits the bill. I mean, the woman is an Amazon Goddess with neck for days...she is like a human clothes hanger...but even so, this is a stunning dress on her.  Perfect.

Kate Hudson - Atelier Versace
Wow.  It's like an homage to American Hustle - she goes against all of my usual dislikes (white dress, flat-girl cleavage attempt) and turns it into a big fat LIKE...make that LOVE... dress...hair...home run Kate...now listen to me...you are never, EVER, under any circumstances to visit your Mom's closet - ok? You will notice that she is not up here at the top of the list like you...stay golden Kate!

Jennifer Lawrence - Dior
Contestant #1 in the Peplum Parade - but the only one on the "like" side for me. (Amy & Julia - do you hear me knocking?). Listen, much like Charlize, J-Law has the whole swan thing going on and her upper-body is unusually lengthy - not all dresses will look right on her, but this one works.  Honestly, without the funky backwards necklace thing, it would fall this side of boring, but she put her own twist on it.  I dig her - she is definitely on my GIRL CRUSH list.

Lupita Nyong'o - Prada
She was just the princess of the night - and for those that don't follow Awards Shows and red carpets obsessively - she has been putting on quite a fashion parade over the past two months.  This dress looks made for her - I probably would not even like it on most people, but on her, it's perfect.  I love color!

Anna Kendrick - J Mendel
Anna - I saw you pop up on several worst-dressed lists for this one - but I like it!  It's different, but in a good way for once...I like the crossover top and the waist detail (with matching clutch)...the hair could be better...kind of drab...but the dress is a little edgy, just like you.

Cate Blanchett - Armani Prive
It just seems done before. It's pretty, maybe a little too figure-skater at the top for my tastes, but I can't really say that it's ugly. It's just not wowing me. I am not big on the whole nude/illusion motif...it seems like it may be one of those dresses that's stunning in person and just doesn't photograph well? But you have hit higher heights in past years...so I must say that for your Best Actress Win year, I was hoping for more.  Earrings are great. That's all I got.  #reaching

Amy Adams - Gucci
Contestant #2 in the Peplum Parade
Amy. Let me clue you in on something.  Your hair is a MAJOR asset for you. So slicking it back into a bizarre finger wave/french twist thing is just not going to be a good time. The dress is aight. Again, a sense of deja vu all over again. Navy never comes across on camera the way it does in person. AGAIN...with your skin and hair and eyes - VIST THE JEWEL TONES SECTION OF THE COLOR WHEEL. You will find magic there...trust me.

Anne Hathaway - Gucci
Also Gucci. Hmmmm...I think I see where you are going here. Last year, you offended the universe with that Pepto pink horror with the bizarro neckline...so THIS year, you wanted to flip the deck and go EDGY.  Just not sure if you can pull off edgy Anne. You also have an amazing body for couture...but much like last year, I like the back more than the front.  And, much like last year, IT'S THE FRONT THAT WE ALL SEE. Can we try and find a happy medium somewhere between Pink Satin Princess and Gladiator Armor Breastplate? Thank you.

Viola Davis - Escada
COLOR! COLOR! YAY! Thank you Viola for bringing some color into a neverending barrage of black, white, metallic and the occasional red. It's a great dress and you wear it well.  Love the cuff bracelets too...perfect touch.  Score!

Naomi Watts - Calvin Klein
Another one that has done it better in past years. It's a little, dare I say, mature for her? She is aging herself. And the hair is not helping - listen up ladies - hair should not fall on to dress.  High neck = hair back or up or both. And it has a weird poof thing going on in the front - the hair I mean. She gushed on and on about the necklace on the red carpet - why not pull the hair back and show it off? #confused

Penelope Cruz - Giambattista Valli
I don't know - I feel like someone wore this already. I always want to like her - she has rocked some SICK dresses in the past (remember that flame one in deep red) - this seems very safe for her. Like Safe Deposit Box safe. The only good thing I can say is that her pale pink dress is prettier than Camilla Alves' pale pink dress (Matthew's current wife - Penelope is the ex - get it?) #bestrevenge












Bette Midler - Reem Acra
The Divine Miss M - showing off the ladies! I love it! I actually much preferred this dress to that sack of potatoes that you wore on stage to sing in.  It must be a real bitch to get changed halfway through the show. I am guessing there are Spanx involved in this scenario, and I KNOW how that goes.  How about don't change next time? Works for us. We won't judge. Well, we might, but only if the first dress sucks.





















Goldie Hawn - Atelier Versace
I am convinced that she has worn the exact same dress to every industry event since she met Kurt Russell. Has no one told her that it's just not that flattering? Does Kate not say something? I find that hard to believe. And do something with that rat's nest on top of your head already. Pull a Peter Brady Goldie - when it's time to change, then it's time to change. #shanananana

Glenn Close - Zac Posen
Contrary to many of the dresses on this list, I am thinking that this one might look better in PHOTOS than it does in person.  The fabric looks questionable. I like the silhouette though - I much prefer this to your manly-man pantsuits. But I must point out that if you were wearing a pointy black hat, one might think that you were subliminally auditioning for Elphaba in Wicked.  Just saying.

Jessica Biel - Chanel
It's an ok dress...there's just something missing here.  Oh wait, it's her man candy! Paging Justin Timberlake...your wife looks so much better on the red carpet when you are by her side - don't you have a jet or something? Can you not schedule your World Tour around this shit? I am sure that Jay Z does that for B. Come on now. You're better than that.

Jennifer Garner - Oscar de la Renta
I liked it better on the red carpet.  On stage, it was FLAPTASTIC. I will always love you Sydney Bristow...you know that.  But do you really expect us to believe that you and Ben can't scrape together the coin for a sitter for nights like this? You know what happens when half a married couple shows up at these things...that's how rumors start.  I hope you and Biel at least split the limo.

Laura Dern - Alberta Ferretti
Winner of this year's PLEASE EAT A BURGER AWARD. That is all. #yourspineisshowing

Meryl Streep - Lanvin
Yeah, yeah, I know I say it every year.  "Fashion doesn't matter - it's Meryl Streep!"  But can you throw us a bone once in a while? A color? A one-piece? A hairdo? It's nice to be the greatest living actress on the planet, but pretty can be fun too!

Julia Roberts - Givenchy
Contestant #3 in the Peplum Parade
I do not like this dress. It reminds me of Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies - like you might just RIP out that weird lace insert between the girls and make something happen.  But alas, this is not to be. Julia - you owe it to a whole generation of girls that first became obsessed with you as a somehow clean yet skanky hooker in Pretty Woman and followed you right into the self-righteousness of the somewhat clean yet skanky single mom in Erin Brockovich.  Dump the lace. Add some skank. And PS - the hair is really bad too.  Big mistake. Huge.

Liza Minnelli
Dress and Hair Streak by Autism Speaks
This is just too easy.
Forget it.

Sally Hawkins - Valentino
Sally - I am so very sorry, but you have been awarded the Tilda Swinton Award for 2014. I know it's hard not to take this personally, but trust me when I say that there have been other years where this award winner wore dresses that were way fuglier than yours. But really - you seem like a tiny little thing - though it is hard to tell since you are hiding under your great-grandmother's lace tablecloth and forgot to stop at the tailor to get yourself properly fitted.  One word for you sweetie...STYLIST.  Get one. Please.

THE PERFECT COUPLES ON PARADE...

Brangelina
Together since 2005...
a bunch of kids

Will & Jada
Together since 1997...
Couple of kids...

The Adorable Tatums
Also together since 2005...and a new baby! 

Matt & Camilla
Married only 2 years, but oh so cute...
Two young kids...

 Angela Chase and Jordan Catalano

Together the longest - since 1994...

Wait, what? Really?

Well, a girl can dream...

#mysocalledfantasy

That's a wrap folks! It's been fun!

Until next year...

Candi

Scratch That Surface. Please.

Ok folks - let's call this post a public service announcement of sorts...especially for those of us who spend a good chunk of our lives on all forms of social media and the internet.

I don't want to focus solely on Facebook (though that is the place where most of my WTF sensors go off...), so I will say that the following guidelines apply to all forms of social media where "sharing", "liking", "re-posting" and "commenting" are expected actions and options.  I am asking you for a huge favor...before you do any of the actions that are air-quoted in the prior sentence, please adhere to the following simple rules:

STOP. THINK. RESEARCH AS NEEDED.

Listen, I am all about good conversation - I love a healthy debate, enjoy sharing my opinions and arguing my side of things.  BUT...I also love to learn about new things...and am more than open to changing my opinions on a given topic if what I am "learning" leads me in a new direction.

Case in point - thanks to my countless hours of research on all things autism, I have expanded my horizons dramatically on the topics of medical care, nutrition, neurological science, vaccinations, toxins, gluten, therapies, alternative medicine, insurance, IEPs...the list goes on.  When this journey began, I read everything. I believed everything. I didn't necessarily share everything.  I knew that much of what I was studying was "off the beaten path" and didn't want to be a shit-stirrer.  It wasn't about getting others to believe me - it was just about collecting knowledge to better help my son.

But now that I am a few years in...my feelings have changed.  I believe LESS, but I share MORE. Because I have quickly figured out that you definitely CAN'T believe everything you read.  And the explosion of social media has lead to an epidemic of over-sharing of misinformation...quotes, articles, blogs, photos...people tend to click that SHARE button before determining if they are sharing fact or fiction.  This is infuriating.

Why do I have such strong opinions on this? Hell, why is it any of my business? Well, for those of us that are out here "fighting the fight" in the Wonderful World of Autism, or against GMO food, or for equal rights, or against animal cruelty, or for your chosen political party, or against domestic abuse...or any "cause" that you have decided is worth your time and passion - nothing is more frustrating than witnessing the dissemination of lies, propaganda, exaggerations, and general misinformation about your chosen agenda.


ALL THE NEWS NOT FIT TO PRINT...Here's a news flash for you. Just because it is written on the internet does not make it true.  If you are reading an article and it sounds a little off, a bit hard to believe, maybe a touch hard to swallow...see where it came from.  Determine if you are reading something that is FACT.  There are a rash of satiric websites that exist solely to publish completely false "news" stories, and then the authors sit back in their chairs and LAUGH AT YOU as they watch you share, comment, like and re-post what they have created as if it was "bible".  Here is a short list of sites that are SATIRE. UNTRUE. NOT REAL NEWS.  Read the list, remember the list, and only re-post items from this list if you are doing it knowingly, and letting your peeps KNOW that you know so THEY know...got it? The Onion, Private Eye, Indecision Forever, Newsbiscuit, The Spoof, Sports Pickle, Unconfirmed Sources, CAP News, The Enduring Vision, Derf Magazine, News Mutiny, The Dandy Goat, Premature Eulogies, Not Safe For Home

And then we have Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia and Urban Dictionary - sites like these are almost WORSE than the satiric ones - because they are "user-defined" - any Schmo with a laptop can go on there and write whatever they want - WARNING! THESE SITES ARE NOT ACCURATE! DO NOT QUOTE THEM!

BLOG POSTS - UNBIASED OPINION OR "ON THE BOOKS"?  You may not know this, but there is an entire "business" out there involving fake blog posts.  What is the point of a fake blog post, you ask? How can it be fake if it's someone's blog? They are being paid to write it. Not paid like royalties, paid like briberies.  Still not following? People are paid money to write an "opinion" that someone in corporate America needs to be pushed upon the general public.  There are powerful and wealthy lobbyists for every stance, religion, cause and product in corporate America.  By planting this "propaganda" within an innocent blog post, they are able to forward their agenda unquestioned - because it's just one person's story, right?  Think about what you are reading.  Does it sound genuine? Use your instincts - if you aren't sure, Google the author's name - see what comes up.


WHO SAID THAT?  The quotes.  Oh, the quotes.  You may not realize this, but the majority of the "celebrity" quotes out there in the online universe were never actually spoken by those getting the credit. Case in point...our dear friend Marilyn Monroe.  If you were to use the internet as your judge, that woman was a goddamn genius.  This is false. There is no actual proof that she muttered ANY of the quotes that are regularly and repeatedly attributed to her.  In fact, her life and experiences tend to dispute most of those quotes.  But people see her face...and SHARE SHARE SHARE...hey, she was a beautiful and powerful woman that (many) men adored...isn't that enough? She needs to be a brainiac too? Marilyn is not alone - this also stands true for Audrey Hepburn, Jackie Kennedy...let's all stop putting words into their mouths please...Here's a great blog on this very topic...

Of course, you have the option of ignoring everything that I said here and going on in your little world of sharing everything under the sun...but you would be doing yourself a disservice.  Realize the impact of your opinions - yes, when you are sharing something, liking something or commenting favorably on something, you are forming an opinion. You are endorsing it.  You are lending it credibility. This is a powerful tool and should be respected accordingly.

Now...SHARE THIS POST!

(Only kidding...totally optional)

A Dream...Reinterpreted

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  He is remembered for his tireless fight for civil rights and equality, culminating in his untimely death by assassination.  We have all heard the stories and read the quotes over the years attributed to Dr. King.  As with most things in my life, autism brings a fresh perspective on events from the past.  Just as Dr. King dreamed his dream of freedom and equal rights for all, I too have a dream.

Dr. King with his wife and daughter

I dream of a world where the people in the autism community can come together and figure out a way to fight for the same things without cutting each other down.  Where high-functioning and low-functioning can live together on this thing we call a spectrum and both get what they need, when they need it.  Where all parents and educators can work together and figure out that we are stronger united than we are divided. Where we can learn to abandon the black and white and embrace the grey area - respecting the individuals that have their own voice and are not looking for a "cure", while still recognizing that some of their more affected counterparts on the lower end need intervention from the medical community and the government to get to a better place.  

After the years that I have spent reading countless posts, articles, comment threads and chat rooms, I can safely say that this dream is far from being recognized.  There is a disconnect that is so vast, so emotional that it will take much to overcome.  But I refuse to be black and white.  I will follow this journey and embrace all sides...I will share what I have learned with as many as will listen - I will continue to raise funds and serve in a volunteer role in Autism Speaks - haters are going to hate, but I will defend my mission - with knowledge and with passion, not with regurgitated rhetoric and untruths...and I will work tirelessly to see this dream come to fruition. It may not help my boy, but it will help someone's down the line.  And that is reason enough for me.

In looking back at Dr. King's more famous quotes, I am struck by how many of them can be applied to my ongoing autism journey...

“Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.”
In the first days following Luke's diagnosis, shock was quickly followed by a general numbness and an overwhelming urge to just curl up in a ball and be mad - angry - bitter - all those things - why my boy? Why me? What did I do?  I knew without a doubt that if I gave in to those feelings that there is a good chance I would never have gotten out of that pit of despair.  It still rears it's ugly head once in a while, but I have figured out how to get past it (a good cry, a glass of wine, a chat with a friend...all good remedies...).

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
The happy ending seems so far away sometimes - when I let myself think about my son's future, it's hard to ignore that the picture in my head is not perfect - but taking each step as it comes blurs the edges of that picture and gives me hope that it will change a little bit every day.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
I have loved my husband since I was 14 years old.  But NEVER have I loved him more than when in the heat of an autism-induced tit-for-tat spat I said to him "You can go - no one ever judges the father when he leaves" and he looked at me and replied "I would judge myself. And I'm not going anywhere."

“We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.”
Aaaaahhhh my autism moms...love them like sisters...rely on them like crack!  Where would I be without them? I don't want to know.  We are all different - our kids are all living on different parts of the spectrum - and let's face it - we would not be friends without autism - but we each have an oar on this great big boat...STROKE...STROKE...STROKE...

“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”
Over the past seven years, I have read more information on autism than I thought possible.  And my conclusions don't seem to "mesh" with the mainstream - I have a very clear and specific opinion about autism and why it is happening...and even though I don't feel like my stance is currently on the "publicly accepted" list, it is what it is - I couldn't change it if I tried - I feel it in my heart and in my brain and in my gut.  You don't have to agree with me - I respect all journeys...just make sure you respect back.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
One day at a time - the autism mama's mantra - keep moving - keep learning - keep doing - and your child will get there.

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
Hope.  It's the only word that matters on some days.  What I thought was a bad day a few years ago is now a good day - these disappointments serve to make me stronger and more prepared for battle...and make no mistake, it's a battle.  And I plan to win.

Happy Birthday Dr. King...and thank you for the inspiration...