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| Dr. King with his wife and daughter |
I dream of a world where the people in the autism community can come together and figure out a way to fight for the same things without cutting each other down. Where high-functioning and low-functioning can live together on this thing we call a spectrum and both get what they need, when they need it. Where all parents and educators can work together and figure out that we are stronger united than we are divided. Where we can learn to abandon the black and white and embrace the grey area - respecting the individuals that have their own voice and are not looking for a "cure", while still recognizing that some of their more affected counterparts on the lower end need intervention from the medical community and the government to get to a better place.
After the years that I have spent reading countless posts, articles, comment threads and chat rooms, I can safely say that this dream is far from being recognized. There is a disconnect that is so vast, so emotional that it will take much to overcome. But I refuse to be black and white. I will follow this journey and embrace all sides...I will share what I have learned with as many as will listen - I will continue to raise funds and serve in a volunteer role in Autism Speaks - haters are going to hate, but I will defend my mission - with knowledge and with passion, not with regurgitated rhetoric and untruths...and I will work tirelessly to see this dream come to fruition. It may not help my boy, but it will help someone's down the line. And that is reason enough for me.
In looking back at Dr. King's more famous quotes, I am struck by how many of them can be applied to my ongoing autism journey...
“Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.”
In the first days following Luke's diagnosis, shock was quickly followed by a general numbness and an overwhelming urge to just curl up in a ball and be mad - angry - bitter - all those things - why my boy? Why me? What did I do? I knew without a doubt that if I gave in to those feelings that there is a good chance I would never have gotten out of that pit of despair. It still rears it's ugly head once in a while, but I have figured out how to get past it (a good cry, a glass of wine, a chat with a friend...all good remedies...).
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
The happy ending seems so far away sometimes - when I let myself think about my son's future, it's hard to ignore that the picture in my head is not perfect - but taking each step as it comes blurs the edges of that picture and gives me hope that it will change a little bit every day.
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
I have loved my husband since I was 14 years old. But NEVER have I loved him more than when in the heat of an autism-induced tit-for-tat spat I said to him "You can go - no one ever judges the father when he leaves" and he looked at me and replied "I would judge myself. And I'm not going anywhere."
“We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.”
Aaaaahhhh my autism moms...love them like sisters...rely on them like crack! Where would I be without them? I don't want to know. We are all different - our kids are all living on different parts of the spectrum - and let's face it - we would not be friends without autism - but we each have an oar on this great big boat...STROKE...STROKE...STROKE...
“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”
Over the past seven years, I have read more information on autism than I thought possible. And my conclusions don't seem to "mesh" with the mainstream - I have a very clear and specific opinion about autism and why it is happening...and even though I don't feel like my stance is currently on the "publicly accepted" list, it is what it is - I couldn't change it if I tried - I feel it in my heart and in my brain and in my gut. You don't have to agree with me - I respect all journeys...just make sure you respect back.
“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
One day at a time - the autism mama's mantra - keep moving - keep learning - keep doing - and your child will get there.
"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
Hope. It's the only word that matters on some days. What I thought was a bad day a few years ago is now a good day - these disappointments serve to make me stronger and more prepared for battle...and make no mistake, it's a battle. And I plan to win.
Happy Birthday Dr. King...and thank you for the inspiration...
