Olympic Annoyances...

USA! USA! USA!
As is always the case, I am totally caught up in the Olympic games...the drama, the competition, the personal interest stories, the guts, the glory...during the summer months when my DVR has cobwebs, the Olympics are a welcome respite from my 837th Kardashian marathon. But, as with all things, there are always a few things that irk, disturb, vex and perturb me...in no particular order...

Fly Me To The Moon?
Why in GOD'S name are these girls dressed like astronauts from the future? When did red, white and blue morph into grey, black and lime? I would rather see them up there in their sparkly leotards then in these gruesome get-ups.  Look at the Magnificent 7 from 1996 - that photo says "USA" - the one from 2012 says TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER.  These warm-ups are the ugliest thing I have ever seen...I mean GREY? The jacket is the color of concrete - even silver would have been better - and the sneakers are just stupid. Why would they NOT 

wear red, white and blue? Even those purply leotards that they wore on Qualifiers night annoyed me...there are endless combinations of style that can be created with red, white and blue - especially when you bring silver into it.  But not grey.  And not lime.  For God's sake, it's the Olympic Games, not the Hunger Games! HORRENDOUS!

And have no advances been made in the world of gymnastical hair??  The scrunchies are bad enough - add to that the barrettes that I wore in my 5th grade grammar school photo and this is truly a recipe for disaster.  Are there no hairstylists that would accept a free trip to London in order to groom these poor girls? Don't even get me started on the make-up - that Russian chick's face got gang-banged by liquid eyeliner and rainbow glitter...the juxtaposition of the heavy make-up and severe hairlines with their squeaky little-girl voices is jarring, to say the least.  It's almost like they have to rebel against the fact that their diet and exercise routines give them the bodies of 11-year olds by whoring themselves into oblivion from the neck up!  Must they be full-body bitch-slapped with a glitter stick before going out on the mats?  I CAN'T WITH THIS.

Hip-Hip-Beret...
The US Team Official Uniforms - Opening Ceremonies - Much ado has been made about the fact that they were manufactured in China - you know what? I am thinking we should be GLAD they were not made here at home.  For real? This is the best we can do with this? The women look like they are walking in the city to catch the bus with their ill-fitting skirts and sneaks...the men are wearing white pants. WHITE PANTS.  Ralph Lauren does not design clothes that reflect this nation - he designs clothes for people that summer on Martha's Vineyard and attend galas during the holiday season.  The only people that look good in his ensembles are the 6-foot waifs he uses in his print ads - I mean, these are Olympic athletes and they look like a bunch of Frumpy McFrumpersons walking in a 4th of July parade on Chappaquidick Island.  Germany looked better than us. GERMANY.

OH SHUTTLECOCK!
There was a scandal in badminton.  Yes, I said badminton.  If you ask me, the scandal is why in the HELL badminton is an Olympic sport at all...it is like the summer's answer to curling.  I would rather see darts, bowling, baseball, softball (yes, they got rid of freaking baseball and softball, but kept badminton) or possibly even flip-cup before I would choose to watch badminton.  


HE SAID...HE SAID


What Ryan Says: 


"Me & Mike? Oh yeah, we're friends...we make each other better swimmers...we push each other to strive for the best..."

What Ryan Means: When is this Motherfucker gonna stay the hell home and let me be the man? I mean how many medals does one dude need? I hate him with the light of a thousand suns...I should have laced his frigging Subway Breakfast Sandwich with Ex-Lax and HGH...friends my ass...

They've Got Balls...
Hi! We're the US Women's Olympic Volleyball Team!  Since they only show our matches at 4:32 am Eastern Standard Time, we decided to create some excitement around ourselves by posing naked in the hopes that more people would take interest in our poor, neglected sport.  Oh, hell, who are we kidding? We just didn't want to pose in those horrific Team Uniforms from Ralph Lauren...




SEACREST...OUT!  

SEACREST = TOOL

The irk of all irks has got to be this toolbag Ryan Seacrest having any part of the Olympic Games.  Is nothing sacred?  Poor Dick Clark must be rolling over in his grave...doesn't he have enough jobs?  Give someone else a chance...it is quite obvious that SPORTS is not the forte of Ryan Seacrest...if you need any proof beyond his metrosexual grooming habits, check out his high school picture...Wait! Let's pose him in "Olympic" situations! They will totally buy it! 

I'm not trying to be mean - but when is enough enough with this guy? He has American Idol, he has radio shows, he has Julianne Hough as his live-in girlfriend, he has the New Year's Eve Specials on ABC, he OWNS the Kardashian shows - yes, owns them - Seacrest Productions is turning into a major media conglomerate - he even bought Ellen DeGeneres' 50 million dollar mansion...

Did you know that there was a specially-choreographed piece honoring those who died in a 2005 London terrorist attack that was left out of the Opening Ceremonies broadcast in the United States? NBC chose to show Toolbag's interview with Michael Phelps and his family instead.  Thanks NBC! I would much rather watch the zillionth puff piece on Michael Phelps instead of actually learning something historical. I didn't know that he had ADD as a child! They have NEVER mentioned that before! That Ryan - he really knows how to dig deep.


And to think, it's only halfway over...