Happy Birthday To Who?

My baby girl is turning 1 on Sunday...

Ahhh, the kiddie birthday party...I have been to a few hundred of them in the past 15 years or so courtesy of my fairly large family and group of friends. The 1-year old and 2-year old years seem to be the ones that bring on the most celebration.  

There is a running theme throughout these affairs. I'm not talking about Elmo or Dora theme (though I have had my fill of each of those). The theme that I find to be most consistent is that the guest of honor spends all or most of the day in a total and complete state of misery.

Why is this? Well, mainly because a 1-year old or a 2-year old can get a little overwhelmed when faced with 50 or 60 people in one room all staring at them. Mom and dad have probably gone all out - over the top decorations, goody bags, tons of food, and not much energy or patience left to spare once the actual party day arrives.

Inevitably, the day will begin with either an incomplete or nonexistent nap for the birthday child. Though Mom and Dad have taken great pains to schedule the party around the nap time that the child has consistently stuck with for the past two or three years, this will be the day that the little prince or princess will go all independent and change it up on you.

They try to stick to the schedule...carefully planned out times for arrivals, greetings, eating food...but something usually happens to screw up the plan. If there is entertainment hired - say, a visit from the aforementioned Elmo or Dora, there is a good chance that the birthday child (as well as many other young guests) will have a total and complete meltdown when faced with a gigantic, furry version of the sweet little character that they are only used to seeing on the TV screen. So Mom attempts to scare the fear away by jamming the kid in the face of the thing, while Dad is thinking "Cha-ching! That's $300 we'll never get back!"

Who wants cake?

Mom is now officially sweating buckets. Dad is trying to take pictures, but the flash isn't going off or the battery is low, causing "Sweaty Mom" to mouth obscenities at him over the writhing head of the birthday child being restrained in mid-air on top of a frightening character cake that the poor kid wants no part of. One or both Grandmas are reaching for the child, trying to help, causing SM to shoot the daggers at them instead of camera-spastic Dad. Thirty other kids are singing Happy Birthday with their grimy mugs about four inches from the cake, all waiting to blow spittle at exactly the same moment in an effort to "help" the

birthday child.

Even though Mom and Dad have pre-determined that presents will NOT be opened until after the party, there is at least one person (most likely a grandma) that feels that their present is way more important than everyone else's and MUST be opened on public display. This sets off a domino effect, of course, and before you know it, Mom is frantically trying to take mental notes of who gave what because cards are being opened and thrown to the wayside along with the discarded wrappings - thank you cards will be a total

crapshoot.

And it is usually at this exact time, while watching the birthday child look at a piece of ribbon as if it was the most amazing gift of all, that the parents realize that they could have saved a boatload of money and aggravation and amused the kid with some leftover tissue paper from last Christmas.

Let's face it - these parties are more for the grown-ups than they are for the kids...they would be just as easily amused without all of the pomp and circumstance - and at a fraction of the cost!