Popping My Cherry...

My BLOG cherry, that is! For years I have had people urging me to blog...not really sure why it took me so long. Oh wait, fear of failure - now I remember! I am completely paralyzed to give writing a true shot because it is my "dream" and what will I have left if that bubble bursts? But I find myself at a place in life where I don't feel I have much to lose...so I am going to give it the old college try.

So what to blog...what to blog...

Well, they say write what you know.  And there are many people in my life that would say that I have a tendency to think I know everything! There was a time that this was a fairly accurate assessment - I can't lie - but that has all changed.

My life has become twisted up into a boy scout knot of what the fuck.

I guess in some ways it has always been this way.  Clarity and desperation have just forced me to see things differently since "the diagnosis"...

Our son Luke was diagnosed with autism 5 years ago, at 20 months of age.  Not Dustin Hoffman, counting toothpicks, winning me $$$ at blackjack autistic - regular old crappy autistic...non-verbal, high energy, odd behaviors...one big package of fun! How can I joke about my son's autism you may ask?

How can I not?

One day with Luke would probably push most parents to the edge...we just passed the 5-years mark since the diagnosis...5 years made up of chaos, confusion, rage, tears, depression, desperation, exhaustion, judgment, condescension, false hopes, doctors, doctors and more doctors.  And laughs...because if you can't find the humor is things, your only other option is to roll up in a ball and give up.  And I'm just not built that way.

Are we having fun yet?

And thus begins my story...I say begins because the rest is still unwritten (I hate that frigging song.)  And because autism is not my only topic of choice...I am and have been many things in my 41+ years...including, but not limited to:  daughter, granddaughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend, ex-friend, girlfriend, fiancee, wife, mother, working mommy, stay-at-home mommy...

Shit that I have experience with: being fat, dieting, weight loss surgery, losing weight, gaining weight, being the "good girl", marrying the high school sweetheart, small-town-lifer, trade shows, PTA, Italian families, youth sports programs, autism, the autism community, infertility, divorce, relationships, parenting, the wonderful world of special needs...

And my interests and obsessions are vast and brainspace-consuming: pop culture, Facebook (Crackbook), HGTV and The Food Network (psychotic obsession), the Kardashians (call me Kandi), Tori Spelling, General Hospital, random and useless trivia of all types, Dancing With The Stars, Family Guy, Jennifer Weiner, sangria, ipod playlists, lists in general, planning events, taking pictures, hair bows for my daughter, my iPhone...

I have always had a lot to say...and I plan to share! I hope I make you laugh, think and laugh - in that order!  I can promise you one thing...I will always be CandiDLY SPEAKING...