Last month I took my first business trip in quite some time...before I was a stay-at-home Mommy for 5 years, I was a frequent business traveller...it was something I most certainly did NOT miss about my old job! It wasn't the trips so much as the air travel experience. All of it - weird limo drivers at the crack of dawn, airport ridiculousness, the airplane itself...and all the complete idiots I found myself surrounded by at every turn. No, I'm not being mean - there is apparently an entire secret society of humans out there that turn into incompetent asshats when they travel by plane.
These asshats can be classified in one (or more) of the following ways:
The Rule-Breakers - probably the most annoying - they are a lock for attempting to bring their entire life's posessions on as carry-on baggage...they feign stupidity during the "zone" call while boarding and board first (how else would they get to occupy 3 overhead compartments for all their crap)...and then they talk on their cell phones or type on their laptops until the landing gear comes up...No jerk-off, they didn't mean YOU! YOU are SPECIAL!
The Human Hold-Ups - there was this little incident a few years back that we refer to as 9-11...you must have missed that whole thing about "increased security" maybe? Oh, you HAVE heard? I just assumed that you were living under a rock since 2004 because you don't have your frigging ID out AND you chose to wear the entire contents of your jewelry box on your person - I am SO enjoying standing here barefoot waiting for you to de-bling yourself for the metal detectors. Thanks for that!
The Lollygaggers - related to the Line-Killers, but in their own category - usually travel in a pack (an extended family, a group of students) - bound to be spread out about 5 across (you can't pass them) and not at all in a rush...oblivious to those of us around them that would rather not treat the terminal like a Sunday stroll in the park. Can we move it along please?
The Hurry Up & Waiters - the complete OPPOSITE of The Lollies - they are going 100 mph at all checkpoints - breathing down your neck on the security line (some personal space please?)...power-walking, even on the moving walkways, rushing their asses off to get to the gate 1 hour early...and wait. Jumping up to board, even when their zone is 5 announcements away...Springing out of their seats when the plane lands to get a prime spot in the aisle directly next to their goddamn seat and wait 12 minutes for the crew to hook up the plane to the walkway and open the door...and then full-on sprinting to the baggage area, at least 10 minutes before the bag arrives and frantically looking at EVERY SINGLE NAME TAG as if they have no fucking clue what their luggage looks like. Take a valium please.
The Make-Yourself-At-Homers - I don't consider myself a germophobe, but carrying the pillow from your bedroom through an airport and then lying on it at the gate while waiting to board is just a little bit much for me...and thank you for removing your shoes...it makes me feel better to know that you are as comfortable as possible. Feel free to lose the bra if it makes your flying experience more enjoyable...
The Help - possibly the most unpleasant of all the groups - the actual employees of the airports and airlines...pick a spot - the airline counter (grumpy), the restaurants (turtle slow), the bathroom attendants (just creepy) and WHOA-BOY the airplane attendants (fka stewardesses and male stewardesses)...when I flew back in the day, they had a certain decorum that bordered on manic joy - so helpful, bending over backwards to make the flight enjoyable...well, times have changed...on a recent flight to Chicago, I asked a female attendant if she could help me get my bag into the overhead (because I am short and I have T-Rex arms) - her response: "Well, you are going to have to help yourself - I'm not allowed to touch anything because I could get hurt - that's not in my job description"...I shit you not - I thought she was kidding! Thanks for nothing!
And not in their own categories because their rudeness cannot be contained within the boundaries of an airport - in no particular order - the loud talkers - the snot-snorters - the open-mouth chewers - the perfume-bathers - the litterbugs...and, of course, the smelly people.
Whatever happened to flying the friendly skies?
Showing posts with label business trips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label business trips. Show all posts
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
What's Old Is New Again?
Sitting here at the Rosemont Convention Center in Rosemont, Illinois, exhibiting at a trade show. Trade shows are amazing displays of human interaction and dynamics - if you have ever been to one, you know what I mean. If not, trust me when I tell you that it's almost like entering a twilight zone...professional sales people, working the aisles, trying to draw attendees into their booth space - "Come see my wares..." - it's kind of like spending all day at the mall, except there are no real stores - just rows and rows of the annoying kiosk people that you try not to make eye contact with.
Most people come to these shows with a plan - who they want to see, when they will see them...but this doesn't stop the exhibitors from pulling out all the stops to get you into their booth. Shiny bowls of free candy, pens, trinkets, there is no shame in their game!
There are never any windows...you are purposely cut off from the outside world - it's the casino mentality - keep them shut off from distractions so they spend as much time as possible on the show floor.
I know of what I speak because this is not my first time at the rodeo, as they say. I am exhibiting at the CHA Show - Craft & Hobby Association, an organization that I worked for from 1992-2005...yes, I used to be the one running around with a walkie-talkie, supervising operations and logistics for this show. I left CHA in 2005 after the birth of my second son to take advantage of a work-from-home opportunity that would allow me to spend more time with him. I went back to work in late 2006 at a new company, only to leave 9 months later when we entered the Wonderful World Of Autism when Luke was 20 months old...
Cut to 2012 - out of work at this point for almost 5 years, I get a call from a former co-worker about an opportunity to go BACK to work for my old boss from CHA - she now has her own company, as she left CHA about a year before I did...and back to work I go!
They say the world works in mysterious ways...if you had told me that I would EVER be exhibiting at a show that I put 14 years of blood, sweat and tears into, I would have called you certifiable! The ultimate irony are these full circle moments in life where you get the opportunity to ask yourself "How did I get here?" and you realize that you don't really know the answer...you just keep moving forward, hoping that someone out there knows what they are doing and is nudging you along the right path.
I ran into a lot of "old friends" this week - people that knew me when...and after speaking with several of them, I can attest that I am not the same Candi that I was back then. Things that seemed important no longer rate...things that may have bothered me now roll off my back...and never again will a company get my blood, sweat and tears. Only my family will get that...call it maturity, call it prioritization, call it life experience...whatever you call it, it is a realization that many people do not make until it is too late. One of my all-time fave quotes is "No one ever said on their death bed that they wished they had spent more time at the office..." - true story!
Most people come to these shows with a plan - who they want to see, when they will see them...but this doesn't stop the exhibitors from pulling out all the stops to get you into their booth. Shiny bowls of free candy, pens, trinkets, there is no shame in their game!
There are never any windows...you are purposely cut off from the outside world - it's the casino mentality - keep them shut off from distractions so they spend as much time as possible on the show floor.
I know of what I speak because this is not my first time at the rodeo, as they say. I am exhibiting at the CHA Show - Craft & Hobby Association, an organization that I worked for from 1992-2005...yes, I used to be the one running around with a walkie-talkie, supervising operations and logistics for this show. I left CHA in 2005 after the birth of my second son to take advantage of a work-from-home opportunity that would allow me to spend more time with him. I went back to work in late 2006 at a new company, only to leave 9 months later when we entered the Wonderful World Of Autism when Luke was 20 months old...
Cut to 2012 - out of work at this point for almost 5 years, I get a call from a former co-worker about an opportunity to go BACK to work for my old boss from CHA - she now has her own company, as she left CHA about a year before I did...and back to work I go!
They say the world works in mysterious ways...if you had told me that I would EVER be exhibiting at a show that I put 14 years of blood, sweat and tears into, I would have called you certifiable! The ultimate irony are these full circle moments in life where you get the opportunity to ask yourself "How did I get here?" and you realize that you don't really know the answer...you just keep moving forward, hoping that someone out there knows what they are doing and is nudging you along the right path.
I ran into a lot of "old friends" this week - people that knew me when...and after speaking with several of them, I can attest that I am not the same Candi that I was back then. Things that seemed important no longer rate...things that may have bothered me now roll off my back...and never again will a company get my blood, sweat and tears. Only my family will get that...call it maturity, call it prioritization, call it life experience...whatever you call it, it is a realization that many people do not make until it is too late. One of my all-time fave quotes is "No one ever said on their death bed that they wished they had spent more time at the office..." - true story!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)