Our Friend PJ
Yesterday, our friend PJ was laid to rest. I had the privilege of speaking about him at the repast...and I wanted to share that speech with those who knew him and were unable to be there.
It
was Abraham Lincoln who once said “In the end, it’s not the years in your life
that count. It’s the life in your years.” I have never known, and I can’t
imagine that I will ever know, a person who more perfectly embodies that
sentiment than PJ.
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| "Shiny clothes" - Best Dressed - Class of 1988 |
But
even in our high school days, it became obvious to all of us that he was cut
from a different cloth. He was like a 40-year old man stuck inside a 16-year
old body (this was back when we thought 40 was old, of course). He favored shiny
clothes and wore big jewels. He talked about wanting a Cadillac when the rest
of us were driving Camaros and Mustangs.
He drank liquor from a glass when the other guys drank beer from a bottle.
He hunted and fished while the rest of them played sports. And even though my
husband, and all of the other guys in their circle didn’t share his passion for
outdoor activities or the finer things in life, they still saw what was beneath
all of that – a guy with an amazing sense of humor and a really big heart. He
was simply their friend.
Since
Thursday, we have all heard the same comments - “he was one of a kind” – “he
was a real character” – “there was no one else like PJ” – “he was a crazy
sonofabitch” - whether people knew him a little or a lot – the sentiment is always
the same. The world has lost a unique
and special person.
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| Our Best Man being a goof during pictures |
PJ
was so many different things to such a variety of people. He was a son, a little brother, the cool
uncle, a hunting companion, a poker buddy, a co-worker, a friend. He was “UNCLE
PJ” not only to his actual nieces and nephews, who he loved so, so much - but
to many other kids, including my three. He taught my oldest inappropriate songs
and encouraged him to bust our chops whenever possible – but he also bought him
his first real BB gun and gave him a lesson and a lecture about how to use it responsibly.
He spoiled all of our kids at Christmas and on their birthdays and took great pride
in walking in with the biggest box and seeing them smile. So many children were blessed to have an Uncle
PJ in their lives.
He
was a jokester, a buster, a prankster. Not your run-of-the-mill type pranks, he
planned elaborate schemes that took time, effort and patience. His victims
never knew WHEN it was coming, but he would drop just enough clues to scare you
and keep you on the edge. My husband was
a recurring victim (and sometimes co-conspirator) – but he was not alone. I am
sure there are many with a story or two to share.
He
was a gambler. And it didn’t matter if it was an Atlantic City casino, a smoky
poker game at a friend’s house or a Bingo Hall – if it involved betting, he was
in. If he won $10 or $10,000, the joy he
felt was the same. He got a thrill out of the game, no matter what the stakes
were.
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| "Officer" Punzo |
PJ
never met a deal he didn’t take. No, I’m not talking about cards anymore. I’m
talking about bargains, discounts, buy one get one frees…I never once stopped
at his house without him sharing his latest “steals” with me – “Look at this –
I got this for 50% off – you can’t beat that!” And many times, it was not even
something he needed in his life…he would give the stuff away. It was closing
the deal that made him happy.
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| With his faithful companion Dusty... |
He
kept a virtual petting zoo in his backyard…his love for animals was on par with
his love for expensive cologne and fancy cigarette lighters. Some of his pets even made the papers…Holly
the Deer was practically a celebrity here in town. He also lent his animals to
town events like the annual Easter Egg Hunt, which he helped organize for many
years as a member of Saddle Brook’s Community Projects and Activities
Committee. In fact, they held that event this past Saturday. As I stood in line
with my daughter for the Easter Bunny, the woman behind me said “I liked it
better when they used to have the animals and the petting zoo…” and I smiled to
myself, knowing that PJ was the one that always made that happen.
He
loved to laugh. I know he shared my husband’s obsession with The Odd Couple and
The Honeymooners…they would quote them in conversation regularly. Even more
than himself, he liked to make others laugh. He embraced the fact that he was
larger than life and that he had people thinking “What will PJ do next?” He
wore the craziest costume to the party and the most colorful suit to the
wedding.
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| The "Cross-Dress" Party - is that PJ or Joan Rivers? |
Years
from now, if you were to ask me what I remembered most about PJ – I could bring
up the funny stories, remember the laughs, and tell you that he was a trusted
and loyal friend of my husband’s and my own friendly nemesis…but those things are
really about us. What I will remember most about HIM is that he lived life on
his own terms. Diagnosed with diabetes in his early 20s, he made a decision
right away that he was going to live the life he wanted to live, regardless of
any diagnosis. He never apologized for that – he never swayed from his own
convictions - he lived a life without regrets. And there are not too many
people that can say that at the end of the day.
We
will miss him. We will miss his humor, but more than that we will miss his
heart. He is gone in body, but his spirit remains. He left his mark on all of
us…and it’s impossible to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.
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| Thank you for being a good friend to my husband for over 30 years. |
